For the last several years, I have battled with many thoughts about the way that I believed things were. I was led to believe things that were not mine to be known. It affected me deeply for a long time. Letting go of the discontent about those feelings was very hard. A few months ago, I made a decision. I would no longer let it be a prisoner of my past. Instead, I decided to find peace with it.

I held a lot of hatred towards past situations. They were very traumatic in their own ways. It skewed my way of thinking to believe things very differently. Additionally, I was not taking care of myself as I needed, which made me more prone to overload. It also led to meltdowns. As a result, those furious moments came. They never brought me peace. I had never felt at peace with myself.

I was experiencing past unhealthy feelings. I was also dealing with a lot of change. These situations only made things worse about the feelings I had about what had been skewed. I allowed new changes to enter my life. Still, parts of me held onto things of the past. I hadn’t accepted that they no longer served me. I had yet to make peace with that fact.

I had to accept that what had happened was a part of the past. I needed to move past it. I was never going to feel the relief that I needed to feel unless I had made peace with it. I had to stop harboring hatred for things that were skewed and untrue. Just as much as I have made changes, others can too. Healing requires taking the necessary chance to move on with my life. It involves letting go of hard feelings that never seemed to disappear.

I had to be willing to accept that things have changed in my life. Yet, those who were there in the past are still here. I need to give them a chance to be part of my life. They can be there for me without the past friction or hatred. Harboring bad feelings made learning and growing harder. I realized it is part of a process that I need in my life. Living a life that once was did not help my mental health. Living as I believed life should be also unhelpful. I needed to be willing to become healthier and find my own peace. I needed to believe that not everyone is as I am led to believe.

Indeed my past was very traumatic and had many experiences that can still be stressful. Taking initiative is crucial. Doing things to move ahead with my life leads to finding the peace that I long want and deserve. It’s about being better regulated. I shouldn’t allow things to consume so much energy without reciprocation. The same feelings are not felt because my perception is skewed. I didn’t see that the past had hope. If I had been willing to give things a chance, I have found it.