A few months ago, I was experiencing small struggles. I have gotten better at controlling them. I was reminded of those challenges being because of being autistic. I came from the dark ages of autism. During that time, I always felt as if something was wrong. I believed I was the culprit of what I was experiencing. Now I realize that some of my struggles come with being autistic. I am not making excuses. I want to explain why these struggles happen. They are to be expected as a result of being autistic.

I came from a time when behavior like anxiety and echolalia was not understood. There was less tolerance. There was not enough understanding that what I was experiencing was normal. It was just a part of how my brain is wired. I had to understand that things like anxiety and echolalia are just going to happen. As long as I am safe and well, then it is perfectly acceptable.

It is not something that I particularly enjoy experiencing in life. Still, it is the hand that I have been dealt. For far too long, I have let it rule my life. I would loop or ruminate about wanting to control the backstory or issue. This made me anxious. I would script without being willing to accept it for what it is. It took beginning to understand that certain behaviors just came with being autistic. While they are not challenging, just irritating, they are what they are. Caring for them in ways that have been prescribed or taught is the best solution for me. This helps me cope with the challenges that come forth.

It makes me think about the last few years. Each April, there has been a push from Autism Awareness Month to Autism Acceptance Month. Sometimes, that acceptance needs to be with myself. We come from an era where we focused so much on solving major problems. We did this instead of understanding that things can be different. Even for a middle-aged man like me, it is just fine. It is just part of autism, and the world is striving to accept it more and more.

It can be hard to understand my past. There was such a push in those early years of my life to correct behaviors. Instead, life should have been made manageable for me. As a result, I believe everything has to be perfect. Experiencing autistic-related anxiety, scripting, or echolalia is fine as long as it doesn’t excessively bother my quality of life. I need to learn to not exaggerate these issues. I should find better ways of coping and live authentically as an autistic man.

I have begun to understand something important. Certain things I do not necessarily enjoy experiencing are just part of being autistic. Doing what I need to manage myself is more acceptable now. It is more acceptable to go into the world than it was nearly three decades ago. At that time, I sensed that I had issues that many were not educated on. I must start to understand that times change. I need to be willing to take a leap of learning. I should open myself to working with my autistic challenges, not against them.