Many times in my past, I was harder on myself. I was more critical than even those who believed in me. I was unwilling to see that there was a good person deep down inside of me. In the moments where all the external noises went away, I felt most vulnerable about myself. I had felt horrible about myself. I knew I couldn’t live that way forever. I had to start to love and accept myself for who I was.

The way that I felt about myself in those days was harsh. It was not real. I experienced difficult family dynamics at the time. It was hard to continue to be positive. I struggled to see that there was a way out of what I was feeling about myself. When I was in the outside world, it had appeared as life was great. But when I was home, I found it hard to see the challenges of living with my family.

Eventually, I had to learn that I had to move out on my own. Making that choice was hard, but it seemed to be the best choice. That first apartment was filled with many struggles. I wasn’t taking care of myself in the way that I needed to. Still, it was better than when I had lived with my family, and I began to see that.

Issues arose to the point where I needed to return to my house with my family for some time. During this period, it was difficult for me to love myself. Despite the many things happening around me and in the world, I eventually learned to love and accept myself. No matter how hard it was, I got back on my feet and moved to the apartment I now have.

Though there has been many struggles where I had grandiose thoughts about myself, I have been regulated for some time. I had begun to feel better. I started to see that I needed to make some changes towards my physical health. Having many reasons to do so, it started with small changes that eventually led to bigger ones. It took being patient with myself. I needed to have grace in those harder moments. It was hard to see beyond the toughest times when doing what was right was necessary. I had to love the body and self I was given, despite the flaws. Still, I needed to do the hard work to improve my physical health for the right reasons.

I know that it is up to me to know to love and accept my body for what it is. If there is something drastically different from what I want to be, then I must do the hard work. I need to take action, even if it seems like the most impossible thing to do. It is the thing that needs to be done and I have to want to do it. I know I have to and it starts with me.

For now, I accept and love myself for who I am. I know that the right people are in my life for the right reasons. I have had to let go of the fantasies. Taking care of my mental health allows me to see that thinking only hurts me. It is also knowing that it is not just the meds that help me take care of myself. Other parts are important too!