So much of my brain can be stuck in the past. It can be hard to let go of it including the parts that no longer serve me. I have started to be more open to accepting what is now. Even though it is nowhere near the same as it was, it has since changed. I must be willing to accept these changes and move forward. I need to stay open to changes. These changes occur to things that no longer serve as they once did.

One challenging aspect for autistic people is adapting to change. They often struggle with being open and accepting of changes. Over the last few years there has been many changes that have uprooted me greatly. Some of those changes seemed unwelcome at first. I wanted to figuratively point the finger at those I believed were the culprits. I did this without realizing how beneficial they have become. Some changes were the best for everyone involved. It was painful to accept that things we had become accustomed to must leave. Nonetheless, we had to learn that for things to improve, some things must leave. This is true despite the pain or fear they cause.

I’ll be the first to tell you when some of the biggest changes happened. They sent me straight into anxiety-laden living. It was not easy to digest. I was the hardest to be around. I was not the most pleasant to be around. My emotions overwhelmed me. I wanted to hold on to something. I did not see that it was not serving me as it needed to. Then I wanted to be angry. I wanted to pass the blame on others for their unwillingness to hold on to it. They thought that by saving it, they would make it better. It does the opposite.

I and others had to learn to adapt to what was happening. I knew I had to stay strong for my peers. While I had long believed the feelings about some things, it is what made me a better person. Understanding how to get along better with the outside world and being my best every day became necessary. This was essential to navigate the world in the way that I had to.

Over time the residual theories and trauma had waned. But within time I had to learn a crucial lesson. It was up to me to do what I needed to take care of myself. I needed to be consistent to get back to where I was several years ago. Then, maybe I would finally move on to the place I had held onto for so long. I would understand that there is life beyond where I was. Being honest and on the right path to recovery and resilience was key.

I had to let go of what no longer served me. I was holding on to thoughts and feelings that no longer existed. I was led to believe those thoughts were about people who were poisonous or a monster to me. Rather, I had to see the good side of what I had to do to navigate life. I needed to see past the thinking and thoughts that were just invalidating. I also had to realize that the changes made were for the better. They were not what I had believed would be worse for me.

It took time for me to find that peace. By finding it and understanding, I learned it requires me to be well. Being open and accepting of the here and now is essential. By letting go of what no longer serves me, it can get better over time. Things will improve in time because I am willing to see things the right way for once.