When I used to self-advocate for myself, my body would feel passionate and emotional. This feeling triggered me in a certain way. It would cause my body to become dysregulated. It would often cause me to focus on the person involved and their demeanor. I was not focusing on what was most important for me to be well. Instead, I was making a spectacle of myself. Sometimes that made others see less of who I really was. They did not see the person I can be when advocating for what I need. I was focusing on things I shouldn’t be.

We are triggered by things that have happened in our lives. When anxiety is co-occurring, we often think about the worst things that can happen to us. We as autistic people often remember people and things. We also remember actions and how we felt when they happened. It can sometimes be hard to let that go and see that things can change. We often let ourselves dwell to the negative feelings that we had in the past. Sometimes, we need to focus on the issue. We should avoid concentrating on what a person did to cause our feelings. They can learn from their past just as much as we can.

When we focus on what is bothering us. It is important to just be open and honest with those around us we trust. They sometimes know us better than we know ourselves. This is especially true when we are not at our best. It is also true when past instances have become detrimental. Instead of making a big deal out of something or passing blame, it is essential to let situations play out. As hard as it can be, allow time to see if your need is met.

It can be a significant milestone. You see that your needs were met, and you did not react as you used to. Learning and growing involve understanding the need to evolve. We must give things a chance. This helps us see if we can improve from the person we once were. Rather than being the same old person with the same old behaviors, recognize the value of staying calm. Avoid interfering in matters in ways that trigger others. Otherwise, they will see you as a barrier to success.

Focusing on the current issue is important. This focus allows the process to start of letting go of past feelings. These are the feelings you had about the situations involving the person. At some point, the feelings and thoughts you have about someone are no longer valid. This is because they can take the opportunity to grow just as you have. It takes patience. Sometimes, you can have feelings about someone or something. You might feel these feelings will never change or go away. If you do not give them a chance to grow, how can they see the same value in you? How can they see the same value in you?

I have grown a lot in the past few years. Part of that growth was due to my own efforts. Other factors made navigating life easier than it was in the past. This gave me the chance to work on myself and not continue to fight the same fight. I realized that people change, including myself. Part of that was focusing on the issue and not the person that I thought was behind them.