The last few years while I have battled being well, I have also battled properly using my self-advocacy skills. Many times, when I was advocating, I did not think about the issue in getting what I needed. Instead, I wanted to target the person behind the way that I was feeling. I couldn’t see the importance of advocating for my needs until I was mentally stable. It was not about targeting someone for being in my presence.

Yes, sometimes issues need to be addressed, but that I had to learn that is not for me to do. My part at the table is getting what is needed for me to feel confident, comfortable, safe and well. It is seeing past the actions of others of letting the residue of what occurred in the past. It is not allowing my anxiety or passion to come into play when it comes to addressing something. It is also about recognizing that bullying people is not the solution. That’s not the goal. It is about addressing and correcting the issue. It also involves understanding that others can improve themselves if they want to. People can get better over time.

I also had to understand that it takes explaining how something you are advocating for will affect you. It is telling someone how you feel. It is not about the behaviors or actions of others. It is about understanding that you might disagree with the current situation. What matters is that you feel safe, comfortable, and your needs are met. Knowing how it should be or the way you want it is secondary.

You must understand that you can’t remove people from a situation because they cause you stress. Feeling bothered isn’t a valid reason. There are processes that must be adhered to. Just because you feel a certain way about them does not mean they can be taken away. Your feelings are also enmeshed, but this is not a reason for removal. Just like you, they too have rights that must be followed.

It is about understanding your rights and responsibilities. You also need to know what is expected of you when you are involved in something. It is not about being antagonistic. Nor is it about targeting someone just because of what you think, feel, or pass judgment about them. Autistic people are easily led to believe things. That is why it is important to feel the way that you feel about something. Do not use what has been told to you to fuel your feelings. Avoid adding to the fire of how you feel about someone or something. There is a possibility that it is not true.

There will be a sense of pride when it comes to having what you need happen. But it is important to not use it as a “gotcha” moment. Do not put someone down about how you feel about them. They are still human. They still have the right to live life in their own way. They have the right to have their needs and issues addressed the way they need to. Articulating your needs in a healthy and appropriate way speaks volumes. It shows the power of self-advocating for what is needed.