As many of you know, it is common for autistic people of my caliber to be straightforward with word choice. We often do not apply a filter before speaking. This can result in words that are not well-received. We can often express what we feel. We want to advocate for our needs. But how we communicate those needs can make or break having our voice heard and our needs met.

For several years I had let my emotions, energies and perceptions overrule what was needed without understanding the whole situation. I prioritized my comfort and desires over what was reality. There were times when I have felt passionate about things. I even cared for those I held clear in my heart. This occurred when their needs were not met. While we often relate autistic behavior to communication, my method put down others inappropriately. I bullied them without knowing all the facts.

If we fail to advocate by communicating effectively, our demeanor can influence how we are perceived by others. When we as autistic people react negatively, what we need can be overlooked. Proper ways are often shown or taught to us. But when our emotions get in the way, the skills we work hard to acquire can be lost. In some autistic people, this can include the ability to speak. While emotions and passion can get in the way of our advocacy efforts for what we need. It is important to see what is most importantly needed for yourself and not what is wanted and demanded.

It is very important to make sure you note how things affect you. Do not focus on how they affect others or what you feel about them. It only makes things worse. Investing in things you often do not have the power to change depletes a lot of your energy. For years, I invested deeply of things that I later realized I had no control over. Things were challenging in their own way. In the end, I had to realize the importance of advocating for what keeps me well and regulated. I need to not react when things become challenging for me.

I used to be a person that wanted to show power over people. I felt good about putting down or calling out others. I did this without understanding the whole dynamic of what was going on. I also did not understand my place in the environment I was in. My beliefs had become ruminative. This caused me to be triggered by things I was sensitive to. When I couldn’t let of the energy that I was feeling, it would result in meltdowns. In later years this would result in profanity laced tirades and other non-violent ways of reacting that concerned people.

I had to learn to express what was on my mind. I needed to be real about it. I had to understand what I was advocating for. It was not about getting what I wanted. It was about getting what I needed to be well and have my needs met. It was not about control or having power. I dealt with things as they were and understood that it was more about causing others grief. This happened because of my perceptions about them. It also stemmed from my feelings about what they should do, based on what I believed was right. I had to learn where my seat was at the table and why I was in that position. I realized that my voice did matter. Yet, how I used it made all the difference in how my advocacy was received. In the end, it ensured that my needs were met, not just how I felt something should be.