For many years, I lived on my own. I battled to be my best self. Only a few people got to see who I truly was. But in reality, when people saw the “other” me, they saw a “bad” version of me. I was unwilling to acknowledge that it was “bad.” A few months ago, I learned to let go of what was that “bad” person. I realized there were parts I thought I had to get rid of. Still, I got to keep them in my best life. This helped love me for who I am.

It was a dance that I was dancing for nearly seven years. There was a battle that I was fighting with one particular medication. There were several times when things got really bad. This all would have been prevented by doing what I had known for decades to be proven to work. Yet, there were parts of me that were reluctant from time to time. I struggled to believe that all of my medications worked just fine. The other things that came into my independence were part of that too. I was still perfect as I am. I need the medication that is crucial for the quality of life I both need and want.

You may find it challenging when you are living two kinds of life at different times. Settling down to the life that you should be living can be difficult. There were many parts of me that thought I was useless. I felt worthless. These feelings included other derogatory things. The cause was one particular medication and the flawed thoughts I had about it.

Time and time again I had gone down one destructive path after another. I did not realize the damage I was doing to myself until it was too late. I was causing fear in those around me without seeing it. Then I would feel ashamed of myself. I was living in a lie that I did not want to be in. It would spiral several times until it played out in a horrible way. There was no shame in picking myself back up from the pieces time and time again. Yet, it didn’t settle in until I understood that I was perfectly fine just the way that I was.

I knew that I did not have to impress no one. Many people accepted me as I was. I had come out as aromantic asexual early on this year and there was no hate from that. Just acceptance. But eventually I accepted that I was fine being who I was with the medicine. It was up to me to combat the side effects. Medication, while valuable, required me to be patient. I had to have grace and do the necessary work to stay and keep well no matter what. I had finally been at peace with myself. I knew that I mattered. I was loved by the people who really cared. I was enough for them.

It has taken me a long time to get to this point. As 2025 comes to an end, I can feel more confident. I know that the behaviors of the past are no longer there. This is because I chose to come to terms with what I need to be and stay well. I am just fine being the person who I am.