A few months ago there was a magazine published by Time about Autism. Part of it stated that Autism was awesome. That is far from the truth. Autism can sometimes be embraced. Despite this, there are many in this world struggling with it themselves. Additionally, many are caring for their loved ones as a result of autism. Just like anything, it has its benefits and challenges. Yet, some things make life more challenging because of being autistic.

It has been clear that throughout my life, I have always had autistic traits. I came from a time when such a label wasn’t given to someone. The label was not used even if they eventually spoke. Even with that factor, I went through a series of different diagnoses. Finally, in 1998, it was discovered that I had Asperger’s Syndrome. Even then, getting the right supports was a challenge. There was more work to handle behavior instead of the many other challenges that I had.

It also makes many things that many people take for granted challenging or even impossible. There are parts of me that wish I have things that many people take for granted. I have embraced things through the challenges. Yet, it can be just as hurtful to be challenged. It can also be hurtful to feel different because you are different. Those are the parts that are not awesome.

It is not awesome when I struggle to relate to others to seek connections that are easy for many. It seems unfair to be at a disadvantage. We have to do things that others do. It makes what we have to do sometimes twice as difficult. It is something sometimes I don’t like, but I grieve and move on. It’s not what I chose in life, it is the hand that I have been dealt.

There are many things that I wish I do that autism did not hold me back. Even as it can be hard to do them, sometimes it is just not worth it. Challenging situations are easier for me to embrace. I prefer this rather than fighting twice as hard and being twice as exhausted. It is understandable that some things are just not possible. That can be what makes autism is not as awesome because you just want things like any other human being.

Autism can highlight many good things. Yet, several challenges exist. These challenges affect me personally as well as others. They also impact those who care for people on the spectrum. Each person on the spectrum is unique. They have parts of them that are not awesome. It can be more difficult for them to experience life than what the rest of the world does. You can never see someone work as hard to fit into the world as someone on the autism spectrum.

Is it awesome. In very few ways it can be. These ways are very small and do not get noticed when having to navigate the outside world. There are many expectations that can make falling in line difficult for autistic folk. Just because there are a few good points about being autistic does not make it awesome.