It feels good in a way that I am much better than I have been for a very long time. For all those first several years of independence were not my true self. Even though I had long believed that I was my best self, I was really not. I was causing concern in many. I wasn’t even seeing it. They were. I was mad at them thinking they were ‘ganging’ up on me. But once I started to do what was right, I began to see positive changes. I realized I was a much better person. I achieved this by doing what I needed to do for the first time in a very long time. That, along with learning so much, brought a new sense of happiness to me. Living independently gave me a joy that I have never seen.

During the past few years, I was at my worst. Little by little, I began to see how invested people were in me. Sometimes I discounted people for when I believed things but I was not being honest with myself. Even though I didn’t want to believe it, they were more right as a way of knowing. I now understand that people know when I am not my best self. Once I realized how concerned people were about me not caring for myself, I started to understand my limits. I had to understand that I needed to stop making pointless and destructive decisions. These are choices I should have never made because everyone can see them.

Sometimes it takes reading things again when you have clarity on a situation to understand what you once did. Doing that, I saw how everyone knew I was destroying myself for those pointless and destructive reasons. Now in a much clearer mind I can see how I was not mentally well at all. I was flirting with disaster. I am very thankful that I did not end up in the psychiatric hospital. I am also grateful that I avoided the court system.

I now know that so many people care about me. They know so much more than I was led to believe at the time. I now know how important it is to take care of myself each and every day. Mental health is always existing. It does not take a break regardless of the day of the week or the circumstances. When I take one step back it is twice as hard to get back on track. Through time this year, I began to see that. I also know that there are several people who care for me. Although it is not just about me, but I want to be my best too.

Many times over the past several years, I experienced challenges. I was not doing what I was supposed to do all along. As a result, the illness seemed more real than reality itself. I had to look at and understand the advice and care given to me. I watched TV shows like Shameless and Law & Order: SVU to see the illness in other characters. This helped me see how damaging illnesses can be if not treated with something I already had.

Through it all, I became grateful for my parents. I appreciate all their dedication throughout my life. They got me the care that I needed, even when lesser quality options were offered by insurers and payers. I long resented the fact that they put me in a residential treatment facility as a teenager. Yet, this year I “flipped” the way that I thought about it. They got my medication adjusted to the ‘cocktail’ that it’s mostly been on since. Over the years, although some minor adjustments have been made, much of it has stayed the same. This consistency is what keeps me well.

In the end, I know that there are several people that care about me. With them and understanding the importance of taking care of my mental health. I saw that all the times they brought concern, it was because they care. It was not that they were targeting me or trying to eradicate me from their lives. They care, and that is crucial. I consider this one of the most important things when it comes to battling mental health conditions. I am grateful for all of those that care. Now I understand how important managing my mental health conditions is. It ensures that I can live my best life possible.