It can seem hard to believe how much better I have gotten when I have been in an anxiety attack. It has taken a lot of practice and ability to handle stressful moments. These moments pump my body with adrenaline and cortisol. I often feel extremely pressured to want to be angry in an inappropriate way. But I know that is not the answer. Through learning what is necessary to become regulated, it has been better for me going on.

The moments of anxiety have decreased over the years. Nevertheless, they are still noticeable. No longer do I spend countless hours ruminating. I have stopped obsessing about things I know are out of my control. I understand there is nothing I can do about issues outside normal business hours.

Things like deep breathing, walking and distractions are now the place. Keeping all the tricks and tools in a binder is the best line of defense. It helps to defend my body when the worst moments arise. That way I can do what I need to do. I can get back on track in the best way that I can. It is hard. There were times I spent worrying immensely about things. I knew I wouldn’t know the answer for them at that moment. Yet, they were stuck in my head and would not go away.

It also took setting boundaries around the things I knew I can’t change. I had to also accept that things were going to happen either way whether I liked them or not. If I had not liked them, then I would have had to change my perspective on the world. Alternatively, I would do something different. Change as we know is scary and is just a part of anxiety as change itself. Often for me, it just takes getting through it and doing it before it becomes routine.

Over the past year or so I have acquired countless tools to combat my anxiety. It has just taken putting them into practice when there are those moments that anxiety attacks at its worst. I had to accept that those moments are going to happen. But if I had done what I needed to do, I work at regulating myself. This way, my anxiety would not extend itself too long. Eventually, things would get better. I was tired of letting anxiety rule me.

It has taken time. It has gotten better because I had done the work I had long been taught to do. I was just unwilling to remember and do it to help me. I had to let go of the old feelings that I had about things which used to complicate the process. Doing all those things helped me see improvement. I realized that things would be better if I had given myself a chance to grow. Grasping the opportunity to grow would make me a better person. I did not have to let anxiety rule my life.