This past summer a pain arose in my body. Even though I can communicate and tell others what I need, it can be just as hard to explain what it is. It is not that I don’t know what it is, but the fact of where and what it is. Through it all, I discovered that I had a kidney infection. Initially wanting to let it go, I found it better to do what was right and go to the doctor and have it taken care of.

It can be both difficult and scary when it comes to not knowing what to do when something isn’t right. Me being at times a catastrophic overthinker, I ultimately want to go to the worst-case scenario in something, like having further testing or having to go to the hospital. It has happened in the past and I was more of a warrior than what I had led myself to believe.

Once I was able to have my problem resolved and get the medication that I needed to feel better. I began to see that I not only needed to be better at caring for myself but being more open and honest when I need certain things from people, including the things that just don’t seem right to me.

There have been so many things in my life that have prolonged for some time out of being fearful of saying what was wrong. I have always had the fear of being in trouble for one reason or another. I felt inferior or some sort of way that I was going to be punished or even create these ‘fake jails’ in my mind thinking that if I had done anything wrong that would be where I would end up because I was not towing the line in the right way.

I had already begun to pave the path towards where I needed to be when it came to asking for help with things or asking for what I wanted in the first place instead of dragging it out. I had learned that I would have negative behavior before actually telling someone what was wrong or that something just wasn’t right for one reason or another. I had to let go of the fact that everyone was a mind reader and that I had a voice that needed to be used when I needed something.

While experiencing the things the way that I did was a blessing in a way that helped me overall, I was able to understand how important it is to communicate with others when things are bothering me, so they do not surmount to bigger problems. It is always better to solve problems before they become bigger problems and more challenging or become a behavior, the latter I wish to no longer have. I deserve to have my best life too and that should be the ability to have things taken care of when they need to.