Over the years, I have had various acts of behavior that I was not proud of. I did not realize over time that there is an expectation of how to conduct myself in the outside world. Sometimes, I became dysregulated and triggered. When I looked back at these moments, I realized the catalyst was not taking my medication. It was also sometimes due to having excessive amounts of caffeine. The latter not only lessened the effectiveness of the caffeine but it just wasn’t good for me overall. I knew I no longer wanted to be the person I was in those challenging times.

For many years, I did not know how important it was to take care of myself. I fueled myself with the wrong beverages. These habits caused me to spiral out of control when things were stressful. I had some of the worst meltdowns. This made me forgo some beverages like tea completely. Ultimately, having a kidney infection this year made me cut back what I was doing significantly. My parents admitted that I did not need to be drinking excessive amounts of caffeine. For a very long time, I did not want to listen to them. But I realized I was at my worst. Recognizing that they were not going to come to my rescue made me see they were right all along. I believed they nagged at me about my old habits. However, they knew these habits helped me have the best quality of life that I wanted to have.

I also had to understand that if I acted as I had in the past, there will be consequences. When I did things like not take my medication or drink excessive amounts of caffeine, it only hindered my ability. I struggled to navigate a challenging world. This made me lose all the skills I had to navigate the outside world. I would end up either in the psychiatric hospital or jail. I knew I would not want to experience either of these situations. I have to thank my parents for stressing that over the years. There were meltdowns that I had that almost got me to that point. My parents were kind to me. I did not end up in those situations. They knew how hard they would be for me.

I learned about the consequences of not taking medication. I also realized there are effects from drinking excessive amounts of caffeine. From this, I understood there were expected consequences for my actions in the outside world. There were rules and expectations. I needed to meet them and uphold what I had agreed upon. I realized that due to past changes, negative behavior would not be brushed off easily. The chances of ignoring such behavior were minimal compared to the past.

While I had to put the past ways behind me, I also had to learn from it. I had to understand the dangers. It was up to me to conduct myself in the way that others expected me to be. I had to learn that my parents were right. They always tried to stress this to me, even when I did not want to believe them. They did so for the right reasons. I had to let go of the flawed thoughts. I needed to start doing what was right. This was important because it would keep things going as I wanted them to go.