Acknowledging what is going on with you can be difficult. You must realize clearly that it is happening. As one beloved professional had always said ‘If you don’t document, it didn’t happen’. I had to learn about the power of journaling. It helped improve my mental health. I recognized what helped me when I was not my best self.

I was in a book shop one day. While checking out the merchandise, I came across a simple journal. It had lines, days, room for the date, and the weather for the day. I purchased it as a starting block for journaling my mood. I also wanted to journal other things. I knew I had to start to do what was right. I had to learn what I did in those ‘down and out’ moments. How did I regulate myself in the moments that I was dysregulated? Did I take my medication? How much sleep did I get? There was no better way to start than with the simple journal in front of me. It was just what I needed from that shop.

So, I started from the beginning of my new journey this year. This point was started off and, on many times, before, but this time was real. I decided to start eating healthier. Recovering from a kidney infection was part of that decision. I had all the time I needed to rest. I managed to recover fully from the pointless and destructive behavior I was experiencing. I admitted earlier that week to put my foot down and do whatever it took to get back on track.

I had already been on the path of getting back on track. I knew that just doing it wouldn’t be easy. I saw clips from the TV show Shameless. In those clips, the character Ian needed medication compliance. This was part of his release from prison. I seen how hard it can be for a person to continue to adhere to their medication regimen. I also saw when he relapsed and was back in jail. Medication compliance was again required for his release.

Part of the contemplation video showed how getting on the right medication was a part of trial and error. I was grateful that part was done for me several decades ago. It was the flawed thoughts that riddled my brain thinking of how unnecessary it was when in reality it was. I was also observing my mood and emotional regulation. I wanted to see if there was really anything different. I also noted what tools were useful for getting me out of those dysregulated moments.

Over time, I realized that things improved for me. It was very crucial to take my medication as prescribed. It was hard in the beginning to recover and there are missed things because of all the heavy sleeping. But I won’t experience that if I steadily adhere to my regimen. Consistent mood regulation is essential. I also need to believe that the medication serves a greater purpose than I initially thought. I had to learn that not sleeping was a part of the mental health condition that I have. It was not something to put me out, rather to help keep me regulated and less irritable.

I eventually realized it was more beneficial to take the medication. I had long been questioning its benefits. It was better to take it rather than not. I started to let go of all my earlier feelings about the medication. I realized it was a helper rather than a hurt. I no longer had any shame about taking psychotropic medication. It was what kept me going when I needed it. It helped me keep the quality of life I was used to. Journaling allowed me to see that.