The past year has been nothing but challenges for my parents. The past year until this summer has been particularly hard for me. I exhibited very toxic, threatening, and terrorizing behavior towards my parents. This was because I neglected to care for myself. I felt they did not care. In reality, they care and support me more than I believed at the time.

Eventually, I learned an important lesson by sharing similar interests with my mother. It was perfectly acceptable to take time for small things in life that bring us joy. Whether it is a small escape to the local park or bookstore, or attending our weekly weight loss support group. Finding the joy in these small things is crucial. It makes all the difference in a world that has been uprooted greatly in the past year.

It was also seeing that I need to find things to do to take care of myself. These things bring my own joy. This joy is separate from that of others. I am not focusing on working or maintaining my apartment or livelihood. Instead, I know I need to do things that make me smile. These things bring joy to my heart. It is accepting that some things just aren’t to be what they once were. I have accepted them for what they are. Now, I must work at being happy with life the way that it is. This is instead of finding what is wrong with it.

Someone used to tell me that I was a positive person. To many, the battles I was having with my mother in the comfort of her car were unknown. They also did not know the behavior I was experiencing. They would not know that. But I actually saw the words toxic, threatening, and terrorizing. That made me realize that emotionally abusive behavior was not okay. I wanted others to love me. I pressured them to give their energy to me when they didn’t have it to give. This approach was only becoming more hurtful, challenging, and complex.

Through it all, I had to learn to let go of what was. I had to start to accept that I needed to build a life of my own. In this life, I was taking care of myself. I was doing things that I found joy in and living in the moment. I began to let go of old habits and traditions. I embraced smaller things and found fondness and joy in them. I cherished them just as much as I did with the past experiences.

I am grateful for the opportunity to do all the things that I have done in my life. I know that life can change in a matter of minutes for anyone. So, it is best to live my life in the best way possible. I had to let go of all the feelings that I have built up over the years. I needed to learn how to be my best self in the moments. This way, I can be the best person that everyone knows I can be.