Over the past several months, I have become self-aware of one of my biggest personal achievements. It relates to my anxiety. It makes the ability to see things that were once challenging and made me reactive in much different light. I realized the signs of what I was feeling. This understanding showed me how things can be blown out of proportion. My anxiety makes me want to avoid something that feels uncomfortable.

Autistic people find comfort in routines. They also appreciate things that are rigid in life. But when contrary possibilities are introduced, it can cause us anxiety. Those who experience anxiety feel they want to avoid or fight something. I often want to avoid things that make me feel uncomfortable. I seek comfort in what I know makes me comfortable. That isn’t always the perfect solution to keeping active. We can’t always control everything in life. I had to learn not only that. I also had to learn that my brain wants to speak out of fear and uncertainty. It does not always aim to be rational.

Of course, like many people there is fear when doing something different or unknown. But anxiety often adds a layer of behavior that can show itself in different ways. Many people on the autism spectrum experience behavior in different ways. My anxiety has decreased over time. I can now communicate what I am feeling. Earlier, I would bottle up my feelings, feeling not understood or heard. It takes time to build relationships with people you trust. These people understand you and reassure you that things will be OK.

Ultimately, the build-up of adrenaline and cortisol caused me anxiety. This resulted in a lot of built-up energy inside of me. I know that I must process the energy in my body. This helps me let go of fear. It also reduces the reactive ways that I am thinking. It is often because we feel that we are not in control of ourselves. But I had to realize it is just because I experience anxiety in my own way. I must work at managing it uniquely to make sure uncontrollable things are not as heightened.

Things are better when I know what I am feeling. This prevents me from expressing it negatively. Such expression can be very challenging for those around me. For the longest time, I hurt those around me. I was not managing my anxiety. I also ignored other mental health concerns. As a result, it was difficult to be aware of what was really going on. Anxiety is real. It occurs when we fear the worst possible thing happening to us. We want to have control but can’t. But just knowing it is my anxiety doing the thinking helps. Finding a way out of what I am experiencing can make my life more manageable.

Nothing is perfect or is it going to go according to the way we think it should go. But knowing it is just one of many things I experience can make a difference. Understanding that there are ways to manage it. This is true even when we can’t control the circumstances. These approaches can make daily life much easier.