For a long time, I neglected my mental health. During this period, I lost joy without even realizing it. I was losing interest in things. As much as I was hurting myself this way, I couldn’t see it that way. My brain was becoming scattered and the longer I would withdraw from medicine, I was hurting myself. But once I started to get back on track, things got better. I kept engaged longer and more and more my life came back together.

There was hours and hours of doom scrolling through the Internet and Social Media. Many sleepless nights and an unwanted need for sleep. Then there was the irritability and no interest in things along with the scatteredness I was experiencing. I kept hurting myself over and over again over the past several years. I had to have deep conversations with those who tried to help when I was at my worst. It didn’t help. I learned the hard way. Getting back on track would help me in the end. Sticking it out was essential. If I didn’t persevere, I would return to experiencing the cycles again.

Every time things were difficult to manage, I didn’t realize I was hurting myself. When I was irritated with those that love me, I realized I was hurting them too. There were times I remembered when I wasn’t taking care of myself. Those times were meant to be joyful, but they were not. I would eventually learn that taking care of my mental health was essential. It helped refocus my brain. This allowed me to find joy in the things I needed to get through and see their worth.

Slowly, I got back on track. I was patient with the moments that brought me down. I began to see the moments that brought me back up to my old self. While things changed drastically in my life, I had to still work at finding the ways that I found joy. It was part of what kept me well. I needed to find something to keep me entertained and engaged. This helped me avoid faltering into unhealthy habits.

I am slowly getting back the life that I had before I moved out on my own. It is hard to understand how to be well and independent. I am trying to untether from my parents. They have their own needs too. I have to re-learn how to manage my routine. I also need to handle my stressors. Life’s way wants to throw curve balls with change and all sorts of things. These can bring out the enemy in me. Knowing what is right for me is essential. Fighting to be well for the right reasons can help me find the joy I am looking for. I just have to be consistent with my mental health treatment no matter what.

Joy continues to come in its very own way. It has taken a lot of work to get to this point. This is true from where I was even a few years ago or even a few months ago. I know that good things will come in due time. I need to be kind to myself in the process. I trust it even in the hard days. That has been at times easier said than done but, in the end, it is worth it.