As many of you know, I have been battling medication adherence for nearly 7 years now. I eventually reached the turning point to realize how important my medication was to my mental health this year. I had to understand that there was no shame in needing the medication. I realized that what I was doing for many years was pointless and destructive. Everyone notices when I was not myself and I was not only hurting myself but those around me too. There was a moment when I realized that I needed to make a change. I wanted to become consistently medicated, once and for all.

I realized that there was a ‘quiet time’ at the apartment complex where I live. This time had to be enforced. It became essential to strive to be quiet during those hours. Additionally, getting essential sleep was crucial to my mental health recovery. I knew this all along. Still, I was not noticing how damaging it was to me. I had thought that I’d sleep some and last long. I didn’t realize I was hurting myself. It was unclear whether things were happening because of me. Still, being a rule follower was important to me, as it is to many autistic people.

There were the hard facts that made me see the dangers if I prolonged not taking my medication. I would eventually end up in the hospital or in the legal system. These were both things that deep down I know are detrimental to me should they happen. There were also other realities. I faced losing my job or my home. These made me see the need to get on my prescribed medication. No matter what it took, it had to be done.

Part of this took learning from acted shows like Shameless. In this show, the character with bipolar disorder had to start medication at home. This was part of his release from the criminal justice system. I knew it would take time for the necessary actions to become a habit. Eventually, they would become a part of my system. It also made me realize how advanced my situation was. Nearly 25 years ago, efforts were made to find the right ‘cocktail’ of medicine. This allows me to have the best quality of life that I experience today.

The show made me realize the dangers of what would happen. I saw the risks if I continued down the pointless and destructive path I was on. There were things that happened in the past that I never want to happen again. It was also understanding how thin things were between my mother being capable of extending herself. The opportunities that I had depended on me caring for my mental health as it needed, including medicine and sleep.

It took being patient with myself, including understanding that early on that things like extended sleep were going to happen. I had to make a conscious effort to stay awake during some parts of the day. This helped me differentiate between night and day. For the longest time, I saw taking this medication as being handed a dirty deal. I had struggled with it for so long. Eventually, I realized the importance of being quiet at night and understood how my past behavior was pointless and destructive. Everyone knew when I wasn’t medicating, which put me on thin ice. I risked losing opportunities I needed, like work and a home.

It was the turning point. I realized I needed to make a change for the better. All the concerns or problems over the past seven years were because I was not totally medication adherent. No matter how much it hurt me, I had to do what was right. I needed to get back on track. My home and job depended on it. I fought the battle myself. I knew I needed to do what was right once and for all.