As an autistic person, one of the biggest co-occurring conditions that I often face is anxiety. It is the one thing that I wish I wouldn’t have because it keeps me from believing that I can do so much that if I am unguided, it holds me back. It often occurs when there is uncertainty of something happening the way that I think it should or when something unexpected happens that could cause something bad to happen. Although what could happen would not be the worst thing, it may be inconvenient for me to experience and that is what I make it out to be as something that I don’t want to experience.

Often times, once something happens and there is assurance to my mind that everything is going to be fine, I do well. I also experience anxiety when it comes to transitioning from one thing to the next when there is some uncertainty or guesswork involved, even though I know that things are going to happen. It is the who, what, and how that makes me worry along with thinking about possible scenarios that have not happened as of yet.

In reality it takes being serious about what would really happen if something didn’t happen the way that it was planned. It is realizing that the worst that could happen is really not that bad and, in some way, would be something wanted versus not happening. Sometimes it takes being patient until it can be solved in the way that it can be, even though that too can be its struggle and set me back because of uncertainty and concern that it is going to happen, even if I am reassured.

Nothing is perfect and not everything can go to plan all the time. There are going to be bumps and things that are unexpected in the road that are going to make me frustrated and be difficult to me. It is by properly responding to the situation and not reacting to the challenge that I am facing. Granted I do feel what I feel, there are appropriate times, places and people to express them to. Sometimes it is knowing that expressing my feelings cannot be done at the very moment that I experience them and that I must learn how to manage them and cope until it is safe to do so.

It is not saying that change is easy for me even though I am autistic. That is certainly not true as I fight my battles when it comes to heading out to conquer each day when it seems as if the world is against me because of my anxiety that I am experiencing. I need reassurance often and when that is not given, it can be hard to get through something as easy as it can be by reminding myself to deploy my coping skills so I can get through things successfully.

It is impossible to remove the barriers that I face because of my anxiety, but I do realize that I must do better at managing my anxiety in order to exist in a world that often does not understand why I worry about something so much even when others feel that it is just a part of what is to be expected or will happen when I do not have the ability to have the comfort that they have because I am not reassured in the way that I need to. Just becuase I am autistic doesn’t mean that I don’t feel and understand how things are, it is just the uncertainty or unexpected challenges along the way that make it so hard to live in a world that is often not built for me,