For several decades, I have lived in the world of my challenges. I have been firmly in many places for an extended period of time. I have a lot of things that I remember. I often keep these memories in my head. Many of them are negative. Sometimes, I think about them or share with others. I do this to make them feel a certain way so I can feel powerful. Sometimes, I need to let go of what happened in the past. As everyone else needs to move ahead, I am learning that I do too.

My life has been a tapestry of many memories. Some of these memories I cherish and would never want to take away. Others I wish to remove from my daily life because they are in forms that are unhealthy for me. I know that I must do my part to move past them because they hurt me more than help me. Also, they are in most cases not valid because they no longer hurt me.

Things have gotten better. In those moments, when I am at my best, I can be in my element. I realize that I am better, safe, and well. But, when I am left to my thoughts, something can trigger my anger. It pulls at past moments that have developed a sense of echolalia (scripting). These moments arise because of phrases or connected phrases I have felt like saying for so long. It can be hurtful. All I want to do is run away from what I am experiencing until I work at my emotions.

I am moving ahead from what was. I have finally made peace with what I had thought was the problem, even though it was not. Until recently, I had not begun to make peace with it. Yet, one door recently closed in my life. It allowed me to have a fresh look. I realized that I need to get rid of past habits that are no longer healthy for me. This includes those that bring me down when I feel things about what no longer exists. I also realized that I need to be more proactive. I must combat those feelings with healthier coping skills. This way, I do not sit and ruminate on things that once were.

You have a memory as clear and sharp as mine. It can be hard to let go of those unhealthy thoughts. You place the blame on who you believed was at fault. It requires coming to terms with the understanding that this was not the case for various reasons. Part of that is beginning to realize that there are more chances to make things right. You can choose not to live in ways that were continuously toxic and unhealthy. This realization can happen even if it is decades later. Just knowing that I am at peace and safe is important. Meeting my needs helps me be my best self. This extends to slowly putting the past away. I realize that there is no use for the thoughts that once were.