It has been two years since I made a dangerous decision to eliminate some of my psychiatric medications just at random ultimately resulting in a really bad relapse. Although an ongoing battle until recently throughout my nearly seven years of living independently, I have proven myself well that I will never, even stop taking my medications just because I don’t think that I need them. Medications are a necessity in my life.

While I have had a strained relationship with one particular medication throughout my personal independence, it was in 2023 that I made the very destructive decision to just stop taking some of my medications. That is something in my right mind that would never have done. I didn’t believe that I had some of the mental health diagnoses that I was bestowed, and I was working to prove what was long believed to be the truth long, but eventually it made things really bad, proving what others and I had known all along.

For most of my time living on my own, I was just surviving from day to day. Some of the situations that I had to go through didn’t help and resulted in some pretty bad meltdowns that I never wanted to experience, especially in those that look up to me. I finally understood that there are expectations for the outside world as well with others and medications along with the things that I must do to manage my mental health are a necessity and should be something that I take in stride, not find as a hardship.

Yet, I had so much disbelief about the side effects and not wanting to combat the culprits of them. I wanted to find an easy way to get rid of things like weight gain and not being so drowsy that I had thought this was the way to go, ultimately I discovered this decision that I had made was certainly not the case. While it took some time to finally understand what was needed to face all dimensions of wellness, it was this that I had some grounding, although nearly a year later I had yet another strange idea to prove them wrong.

While I had also long believed that I was imperfect or not the person that  I wanted to be because I was taking the medications that I had to take and no one would want to be with me, through most of the next two years I had realized that was not true in any way and instead it made me more grounded to understand what I really wanted to experience in life instead of what I really did not want to experience.

It has taken some time to earn the trust back of those that I had lied to in the past, but ultimately they knew that I needed to get back on track and have the help that I needed to have. In any situation outside of the ones that I am blessed to be In, that would have not been the case and that is where I see so many in this world fall casualty to their challenges and not be able to have such forgiving people that understand that people are human, but ultimately I know what is necessary for me to have the best well-being that I can and I will never go back to doing something as ill-based as I did two years ago.