Over the past month or so, I have begun the process of untethering more from my mother. While I still have constant contact with her, there has been more of a process of untethering from her. Untethering is a person’s process of gaining emotional and physical independence from her, often within a relationship that may be seen as codependent or enmeshed.

I have long based my decisions even living independently as an autistic adult because that is just what it was. I valued her opinion in nearly everything. However, there was the times that I would be mentally unstable until the beginning of this year where I finally and eventually understood that due to my father needing more of her attention as his caregiver that she didn’t have as much to give to me. It was not that she could support me, it was just that there were parts that she had to sacrifice to make my father’s wish to return home after being away as a result of his injury over a year ago a priority.

When my father came home and the reality set in, it was at times something that had some difficulty to understand, but then I understood the reality and having to connect with other supports and resources that could be available to me, that I am nearly forty years old, my parents will not be able to support me in all the ways that they previously had, that I had to be more responsible and do what is necessary to care for myself under all dimensions of wellness along with find my own personal entertainment in my down time.

Understanding the necessity of those things, I made those things more of a personal priority and as such I became a better person because of it, beginning the process of untethering. Granted there have been some amazing advances in the world that have made some of these elements easier such as telehealth along with the fact that I have been made accustomed to using paratransit which has not only made me more independent, but also has eliminated many stressors that I was experiencing in the years past not only because of not caring for well-being but also because they just removed things that were unhealthy in my life and made things as they really should be.

As this weekend brings the unofficial start to summer, it is hard to imagine what the summer has in store for me because for once I am being more independent while being well, which is the right recipe for success when it comes to navigating the world that is ever complex for a neurodivergent person like me that also has other challenges. Slow and steady will win the race, but ultimately I will have to be kind to myself and have some grace in the process.

My parents have been there for me when I needed them and have continuously been concerned over the past few years for my wellbeing. Now it is up to me to repay the favors and tools they have given to me for being the successful man that I am today.