One year ago today, my family’s life changed dramatically as my father had a major stroke, eventually paralyzing him, creating the need for his constant care. Through the past year our family has experienced more than you could ever imagine and while there were times when I was not my best self, I overcame the struggles that I too was experiencing and was there for my resilient father when he fought for what he wanted in the process of a quality life.

It was through the grace of God that my father as he fell on his barn floor was able to summon help which ultimately resulted in the ambulance being transported as a result of a stroke. He was eventually transported to a trauma center in the adjoining state of which none of us have ever been. Through it all, including a misguided GPS we arrived at the hospital where in the course of a week we experienced all  kinds of medical and mental events that my father experienced.

Just before Memorial Day last year he would be transferred to the county home where it was planned to receive skilled nursing. In all of this my mental faculties were not there because I was not taking my mental health medication and as a result on the cusp of my second relapse within a years’ time. On top of that my annual assessment at day services was due and my supervisor at work that was there and got me the job was retiring with a new supervisor put in place to start when she departed. Eventually it all fell apart and luckily I was able to get back on track before it was severe.

Albeit my father was not receiving proper care at the county home and nearly died being placed in the local hospital for an extended period of time. Eventually not under the best care, he was sent home briefly ill-equipped before being transferred to another hospital for yet another extended period of time. While this was happening there was work to get him into a different place and through that he ended up at the ICF through the local veterans’ hospital nearly two months after his event.

Over the course of ten months, often twice a week my mother and I made the hour drive each way to the hospital to see my dad go through some of the therapies and even the setbacks that he experienced in that time. He spent his birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas in a place where no one would want to experience those celebrations. All through it, I struggled with the fact that this would be his experience for some time and what it would be after being in a hospital. Would it be in a facility or at his home where I longed for?

I grappled at the reality of him being in his home as I knew that my mother would have to be his continuous caregiver. But isn’t that what married couples often have in their vows? In sickness and in health? For richer and poorer? As I am often closer with my mother and have had a challenging dynamic with my father throughout my life, I really couldn’t see this being put to fruition without the reality of me continuing to have a thriving life.

But in reality in the several weeks before it became a reality that he would indeed come home to my mother being the caretaker, I realized that many times in my life without even realizing that he stood up for me and overextended himself more that I could ever imagine or remember. I was also fortunate to be living independently for some time and that I could do many things on my own. It would take me becoming more mature in the process, but I could eventually have the life that I wanted.

Ultimately through it all, I realized that it was crucial to keep my mental faculties in check due to the fact that my mother could not support me in the ways that she could in the past. There just wasn’t that level of support. While there was many ways, having me fall backwards just wasn’t one of those possibilities that ever needed to be in the cards. Granted we all struggled and for some time I had some difficulty coming to the reality of what this type of life would bring to me, but eventually I learned that I too have to grow in my way and be there for myself and them too in ways that was always expected.

I cannot tell you what the next year since my father his world change had, but I hope for more opportunities for both him and I in the process. That may require me to have to take steps that may seem uncomfortable but eventually it will bring possibilities that provide me and maybe him with a better understanding for each other, a better quality of life and be thriving in our very own ways while making peace of what it was.