According to a brief online search over half of autistic adults experience anxiety. I of course am no exception to the statistic as anxiety is a constant, especially when there is an unknown or uncertainty in my path. Recently, I have been working to break free from the perceived chains that my anxiety holds me back from being freer.

Many times, there is a desire for many things that come easier to many people. Things like connecting to others, going to places and events, doing new things. However, in my life when it comes to doing things that are unfamiliar or uncertain, it is like the brakes are put on hold and I shut down by producing several excuses why something wouldn’t be a good thing. I catastrophize about the worst possible thing happening that could destroy all the work that I would put into doing something that would be happy for me. Although it would be unlikely that those things would happen, it retains in my mind that it would and grips on until the point it can be obsessive and not be free from my grasp of breaking free and doing it.

In hindsight, there has been many things that I have done and initially they were scary. I have come a long way from where I used to be, and in fact the past few years I have regressed to a degree because my mental faculty hasn’t been there. However, slowly it has been getting back little by little. Still, the anxiety holds me back to a degree where I become afraid to push past the fear that I am experiencing.

Deep down in my heart I know that I will find the joy that I need to find when I just do what I need to do to connect with what I know will make me feel better. There is that initial fear, but as I head my way and get acquainted with what I am doing, getting to know others and so forth, it does get better, and I feel more natural. There has been many things in this regard that I have accomplished this way.

Looking back, I remember so many things that drew so much anxiety over me and there were big changes that I thought I never imagined that I would overcome. While some of them were catalysts themselves to breaking down because I was not doing things necessary to take care of my mental health, I have since gotten myself on the right track and know that the things that I was not doing are in place to help me and should always be completed. If there is a reality to take things as seriously as I have been taking them as I have, the betterment of things will continue, goals can be set and achieved, and even better things will come as a result of them happening.

It is simply knowing what is right for me and what is not. Once that is established, I can work my way through what is necessary to overcome the obstacles that my anxiety produces and break free from the perceived chains that keep holding me back from being able to do the things that will help me thrive overall.