As I get older in life, I am learning the importance of having lifelines in my life. As there continues to be less of the reliability of my parents because of my father’s injury last year and my mother becoming his caregiver last month, I am learning the reality of how important it is to have those that you can depend on in your life when you need them.

As I do my best to be independent in my life, there are instances where I may need someone to help me do things that I cannot do on my own when there are barriers to getting the things I need to get. As much as there can be things that help me in getting what I need, there is sometimes issues that fall outside of the realm of those things.

There needs to be people that I will need to call on and in fact I along with my family can sum up someone I am sure to aid me in getting what I need at times when I need it. However, it takes me having more of more trust in others when for so long I feel I could never have the trust in others that I needed to have because of one reason or another.

The same can be said for when it comes to reaching out for support or just someone to talk to. I know of some, but it is taking that step forward and initiating that conversation that I know I need to have. There is a part of me that feels as if I am a bother or a burden, however I have been reminded from time to time that is not the case. At one time, I was lauded by a former professional of having natural supports, but it has come to a time when I have secluded myself more than what I should. I know that all it does sometimes is just make that simple message, but anxiety often gets in the way of doing that.

There is more of a reality that I need to also extend myself more and be the friend that I need to be. I know that I can bring so much to the conversation of others, and I can benefit likewise, it is just that I need to take the initial steps and do what I need to do so I can benefit from the social situations that I need to experience. Sometimes it is just asking for the help that I need or what needs to be done. It can even be hard in the professional relationships that I have with colleagues as I feel that my barriers that I have get in the way and that I am like this ‘fifth wheel’ when there are times when I know that I am not.

In the end, it is up to me do to the grunt work and start the initiations that is necessary to make the connections that I need to make. I know that my mental health will improve if I just take that first step without being so darn afraid. I am grateful that I am able to communicate in so many ways, yet the anxiety seems to get in the way so many times. It is up to me to work at combating that initial fear and finally doing what is right.