This blog post discusses suicide. Should you be triggered by this post and need assistance, dial 988 or visit 988lifeline.org. Also see the Mental Health Emergency Resources page on this website for further assistance.

The “S” Word. The word that no one wants to talk about. Suicide. Something that I have said passively over the past many years as a way to get attention but have never acted on it. What I have not realized until this week how it effects so many people, including those it leaves behind or cares for them after an attempt. It can change the lives of so many, but yet it isn’t the thing that is brought up easily in conversation, but it needs to be.

Yes, there have been lots of times in my life that I have felt down and out, and in fact there have been times in the past I wish they could end, but gratefully I haven’t taken any drastic measures.  It has been reported that autistic individuals often think of suicide. In children alone, according to the Kennedy Krieger Institute 36.2% of autistic children reported wanting to die, 35.3 % of those same individuals wanted to end their own life and 18.1% had a plan in place to die by suicide.

I know in fact those are just some of the numbers that effect the autistic community and by far does not account for the big picture that is there on the subject. But from my experience while making passive statements at only those that knew the manner in which I was making them I never realized how making them can make those that love me feel. Not only that, when someone dies or attempts to cause a heinous act such as suicide, it can leave a formidable act on those they love or leave behind respectively. I was able to witness this a few weeks ago and it really pulled at my heart. It made me really consider myself and the words I am using, especially around those that I love.

Yes, living as an autistic person can be a very hard cross to bear, couple that with having mental health challenges in the process. But through everything that I have been through in nearly my four decades of living, I know that it is important to never, ever give up. There are sometimes some pretty rough days that I do have but they are never so bad that they can be ruined by doing something that would be hurtful to myself or those that love and care for me.

Granted life is not easy for many out there. I have seen it time and time again. There are things that happen in our lives that we may not agree with or prefer to experience, but that is the way life is. It is always important to share what you are feeling and get help if it is needed. There are times when I can be really honest and sometimes as an autistic person it can be hard to share the downsides of what you experience, but I can guarantee that when you let out what you are feeling, you will feel so much better.

There is never, ever a reason to think about the something as suicide. That can be easy to say sometimes, there have been many times when I used it as a tactic to get attention, but in the end you don’t know how much it hurts others or yourself when the act is attempted or someone dies by suicide.