There can be days when there is just too much stimulation in the world or one negative thing after another happens to the point when it becomes overwhelming, and I can be built up with an excessive amount of energy but need to find  a way to release it. It can be hard to find the healthiest way to do it, but eventually you find what works for you.

From time to time there are days when they are not the best. Despite doing what you can to preserve your mental health, there can be moments when things just become too much, and energy is built as it is often in me and as a result I am filled with adrenaline and cortisol and there is a sever need to release that energy. More recently, I have discovered that in many ways it is not appropriate to express these emotions where they may not be understood easily by others and as such it there is often a desire to bottle up this energy or take it out on a sole person because of the trust level in them. For me this can be a family member or other close person. Often times, these individuals are not easily accessible to me and as such this can be bottled up until it is expressed on them as a way to be heard, however it is not seen that way and can be taken as being very difficult to be able to cope.

In reality,  it is up to me to find healthier coping strategies that can be used when these situations develop to prevent things from happening as they do. You would think as I near 40 I would have this understanding, but sadly I have yet to catch on. When you are at times with those that are loving and supportive that they love you unconditionally, there is this sense that is a free pass to do whatever you please no matter what. Thankfully in many cases over the past decade, this has been mostly verbal abuse. However, it still exists and no matter what,  I eventually come to terms with that is wasn’t the best way to conduct myself.

That is the tricky thing about being autistic in many ways. Until the reason why we feel the way we do or that the culprit is found as to why we are acting the way we are without finding a healthier alternative to cope with our challenges. The continuous excuse is the “because of autism” or other similar excuse. However, time and time again I have been asked and told about what would help me get through situations that are difficult to manage by being able to cope with my emotions easier or sooner.

I am at the time of my life where it becomes frustrating not only for me but those that I love as well that the same behavior is repeated time and time again. There can be certainly better ways to cope with the issues that I experience in better ways than what I presently do and in fact I wholeheartedly know that there are ways, but the endgame is taking the initiative to put the skills to practice and actually work at finding if they work in the scenarios that I continue to experience challenging moments in.

I just like anyone else with challenges similar to mine are entitled to being able to resolve themselves out of moments that can be challenging as they are without repeating the same old practice that can eventually result in the ultimate tipping point where lines of communication are severed and boundaries are bult with connections.