Like many autistic people, I am resistant to change. Change can be hard for me to accept and move on from one change to the next. The last few years has been nothing but changes and while I have moved with them and sort of accepted them for what they were, it was a longer time that I grieved over the change that in turn exhibited some behaviors towards those that I loved and felt safe around that I was unwilling to let go of what used to be and accept what is for what it is without exhibiting feelings about it.

There are things in life that we cannot change no matter what. Part of me always believed that if I spoke what was on my mind or how I was feeling that I would get what I wanted. But the reality was that life changes not only in me but in others as well. Sometimes things aren’t working in the way that they are for one reason or another. When changes have been made over the past few years, I was unwilling to see that those changes can make things happen differently and bring a better outcome for all involved.

The same can be said when people do things like elect new people to elected offices. For far too long having the same person doing things the way that they have always been done may not be the way that they can be with the current times, but if you give something new a chance to work out and see that things are better, you can start to let go of the grief that you are having.

I won’t lie that I grieved many times over things that have changed in the past year or so, but most of those changes have been for the better. I was unwilling to see that they were good and were fortunate to happen in the way that they did because they worked out so well. There were many times that I used countless energy blaming those behind some of the changes for what they did or that they did not care about me, or the others involved in the change when instead it was the best thing that they did for the benefit of everyone.

I was unwilling to see all of the stress that I had from the way that things were because I had been so used to things being the way that they were because I could not image things being any other way than what they were because they were like lifelines to me. I could always count on them being there for me. But what if I could count on what is happening now being there for me just the same as things were before, just in a different way? While I went with the flow and allowed things to be and even see that they were better, there was still a part of me that was unwilling to let go of all the feelings that I experienced as a result of the changes that happened because I blamed some for it being their fault without seeing that things change that allow them to be carried out in the way that they were or seeing that what has happened was no longer viable.

Still, grief happens from time to time, but it is nowhere near the way that it was for several months after some of the biggest changes, I know they have to be what they are and I have moved on past the fact that I can no longer be angry with people because a change has been made and that as they have happened, it has become a good thing in my life, that sometimes I just have to be willing to give things a chance before ruling out them. Yes, there is going to be grief, but it is learning how to manage the symptoms properly instead of being so negative about it and lashing out at others.