Spending the last month dealing with some big transitions as it relates to my father returning home from the veteran’s facility was something I deeply struggled to fathom. Having a challenging relationship with him for several years has strained my feelings towards him.

It has been difficult the past month in understanding that his life has changed due to his injury last year, but in the end I am learning to pay it forward because I have been able to see the many sacrifices that he has made for me to enjoy many things and even though I many times didn’t give him a chance to entertain what he did even though I was unable to see that he wanted me to have the life that was right along with even trying to keep me at home as long as possible when I was my worst, he has been the one that has been the biggest supporter of me, even if I didn’t want to believe it.

Our internal dialogue was him being the father that made sure that I had the skills and knowledge to do was right even if I didn’t want to believe it. Although his process was difficult to understand , it was in a way to make me the responsible person that I needed to be. I still remember him working his best when I was a teenager to teach me how to cook pasta on the stove, something that I will always remember, especially not allowing the noodles to stick.

One major sacrifice that I did not allow myself to see that was when I took an interest in State Parks, he was the primary person to get and navigate us in a camper to go camping in the state parks. Even though at times they weren’t perfect, he made many sacrifices over the years driving hundreds of miles to a state park where we based out of  then driving hundreds of miles down roads were there was nothing but trees upon trees to see the various state parks. This was a time before there were things like YouTube to be able to see things the way that I can see them now. It was not realizing that he sacrificed what he liked to do so I could have the fun and the interest that I so wanted to have.

Of course, there was the things that he liked to do whether that was go to horse events and wagon trains that I was privileged to go to many years with him. He never said but I know that he enjoyed my company those times that I went. Although I did not like the sacrifice of roughing it in the outdoors for many days, I now know that I should have taken more of an interest as much as he worked to try to do things that he wanted to try for me.

My dad hunted and trapped many species over the years and while for my safety it was something that I could not do, he tried to teach me to fish and as hard as it was for me and him, he just wanted to bond with me and while I was not in the same mindset, I know that he also enjoyed those things just as equally as I may have in my own way.

Now knowing that he made as many sacrifices as possible to try to level with him when I was under his care made me see that he tried his best while he could and although life brought many changes to his life, he is still here and it is the time for me to do what is right for him and be the son that I need to be so I can treasure the memories while I can.