In my life as an autistic person who has mental health challenges, I have many moments where dark thoughts arise and while they are passive in nature to the point that I never act on them, it can be a struggle to not overreact on other things or take my thoughts out on others as a result of my demeanor and the way that I act.

Life with autism is never easy no matter how you look at it, but having the necessary coping skills to manage life’s challenges in order to get through the challenges that life throws in your way can go a long way in making things go forward. It is when the thoughts appear in our headspaces they can sometimes be more intensified and thought as more realistic than what they are in life. Sometimes it is just understanding that those thoughts are not even valid as they seem to be, but it takes putting in the skill to not pay attention to those thoughts that are bothersome when it comes to doing something and rather fulfilling that time in a more meaningful way so that you do not detract from allowing yourself to get to yourself in a way that is unbecoming and hurtful of yourself.

There have been many times when I was not myself. Many of those days nowadays are with those that I love and how hard it is to not allow the thoughts of wanting to be heard but rather being hurtful in the process by being immature in nature and calling out your issues or making statements that are hurtful to others without realizing it. Sometimes when I say those things I don’t realize that I am hurting them in the process with my words more than I would in a physical way.

It is part of growing up and realizing that I have to mature and do what is right for me and not allow things to happen where I don’t think about what I am saying because there are moments when I don’t want to think about other things or caring for myself in the way that I need to. It can be difficult to understand or allow good things to happen or think about why it is better to think about what other people are experiencing and that even though I may think about hurtful things, they do not necessarily need to be entertained by my lashing or negativity when there is a goal for positivity in sight.

Nonetheless, it is working towards making a change for the better no matter how hard it is to do so. I am a strong and intelligent person but not being able to see that what I am doing sometimes hurts others can be rough. No one deserves to be hurt by any way regardless of whether it was physical in nature, if they are doing what they are to help you, then you turn around and hurt them, then what purpose does that serve?

In the end, it is taking care of yourself and doing what is right because I have the power to do something about it. It is all up to me to make a change and do what is right for once instead of continuing to kick the can down the road because I am being immature.