In a world where there is so much of a passion for wanting to stand out and be you own, there is so much of a desire for me as an autistic person to just want to fit in and be able to do things that come naturally to many neurotypical people. Granted, I have done many of those things, but to some extent I still feel out of place because of my inability to be able to connect with others. Granted, I do understand that there is some responsibility on my part to be able to do the leg work but even being able to find the ability to connect with others can be so challenging.

I am such a smart person but there is so much to be desired when it comes to me wanting to be a part of the world as we know it. As much as I am able to communicate with others, the fact of just wanting to be a part of the world and accepted as I seems like such an uphill battle sometimes. It is not that I do not know how in most cases, it is just that when there seems to be a chance to advance it is met with two challenges back from where I started, of which makes the ability to connect even harder.

It has been a long road over the past few years starting with moving out on my own then finding my own place mentally and figuring out where I fall as far as my identity is concerned, but then that in some way further complicates the issues that I face in connection with others because many when looking for a way to connect often have many things in their mind but what I have in my mind is nowhere near where I want to connect with them and being able to do so makes it more difficult. It can be challenging when I am home alone and have time to sit and think about things and how unfair at times life is to me.

While life has been good to me over the years, such as being able to advance my education, get a part time job, live independently and even get a driver’s license, being autistic is what can hold so many things up because it makes it more challenging than what it needs to be and when there is so much more of a desire to do things that my neurotypical peers can do, it makes it more complicated and challenging to remain hopeful.

I am hopeful that there will be a prosperous future ahead of me because I know that some things that have held me back will not always be there in my life to hold me back, I know that it will take points in my life where I will have to step outside of my comfort zone and tackle the issues that I need to face head on out of necessity and not out of leisure. It may seem that I am late to the game of maturing, but eventually things will come to, and they will continue to be easier for me to navigate as life continues to develop. I must continue to be patient with myself and give myself grace when I fall down in those circumstances that are challenging, because if there is one thing about me it is that I am resilient and keep going.