Through many flaws of my life, it can be hard to love myself. Sometimes it takes looking straight into the mirror and seeing the things that are wrong and understanding that they are not totally who I am. That I am indeed perfectly made just as the Lord made me and that it is OK to make mistakes in life but not dwell or repeat on them.

There has always been some sort of me that was not happy with who I am because for most of my life what was pointed out to me was the things that were wrong with me and not the things that were good with me. While there were times when it seemed there was nothing that was good with me, that still can resonate with me from time to time where I want to feel sorry about myself and not see that life is good despite the marginal amount of issues that I am experiencing, there is a greater good that still needs to be seen despite the overabundance of struggle that can be perceived.

My brain always wants to point out the many flaws when there is far too many good things going on in my life. It sometimes views things that are problems but if they are they are really small compared to what they are sometimes made out to be. I am at time unable to see that  what I am thinking isn’t as bad as it seems and that it can be hard to love myself because I think of myself as less than what I should. I feel as if I have no desire to love myself because all I can see is what is wrong with me and not the good things in my life.

It can be hard to ponder what those good things are because I wasn’t really told what they were openly growing up. There was so much of a focus on addressing what was wrong with me, things that made me imperfect. There was so much of a focus on surviving the day when I was at my worst that there was no focus on what the best things of the day was, because all that I was able to see was the things that I did that were “bad” and not the good things, because at one point they were far and few between.

Nowadays, I have changed that narrative greatly. There are things that I do, and I am recognized more for the efforts that I put forward, but it can be hard to accept that recognition because I don’t think that I am worth it and that can make it harder for me to love myself more than what I should. There are times when I feel completely horrible about myself because of the simple things that are wrong, but they are mine to own, nor are they the  end of the world. It is moving forward and accepting things as they are yet loving myself in the process.

Within time, I am working to love myself more, but I also know I need to be patient and give myself more grace than what I need to. I know that I am made just as I am and there is no reason to change that either, despite my flaws, because everyone has them and I am no different.