I will talk a lot about medication on my journey. It is what keeps me regulated and able to have the quality of life that I desire. I now realize that I would not be able to have the life that I have without it. I had to learn the hard way over the course of the past six years the dangers of not doing so. While medication may not be for everyone, it is what provides me with the life that I desire.

I have been on some sort of mental health medication most of my life since I was six and continuously since I was about 13 years old. Yes, there have been side effects and through those initial years from when I was prescribed most of the ones that I am on now, there was a lot of trial and error alongside puberty’s demonic behavior to find that right cocktail. It even took me to be placed in the psychiatric hospital many times and ending up in a residential treatment facility to make the cocktail what it is today.

In those early days when in the inpatient unit of a psychiatric hospital that no longer stands, I sat in groups with complete strangers learning about these and other medications that I had taken, the use, the why and how and the dangers of them. When I was discharged from the residential treatment facility, it had always been stressed the importance of taking my medication, but it would not be for 24 years later until I fully grasped that reality.

While I was living with my parents, the issues of my medication were always stressed to me, and they made sure that I took them exactly as prescribed. Even as my parents were doubtful of medication for themselves, they were able to see the difference that the right cocktail of medication was able to help me improve my quality of life and the difference that made me go from night today and live life as I deserved. Looking back, there is a part of me that realized that more.

Looking back to August 2018, I moved out for the first time on my own without any support. As such, I did not prepare myself for it properly and as such, I would not be totally adhering to my mental health medication. This was obvious and as such it caused concerns to many that were involved with me and as much as the importance of my medication was stressed, I was reluctant to listen to anyone or believe them. I was unwilling to take the initiative necessary to make sure that my medication was taken exactly as prescribed as it was done for two decades prior to moving on my own.

I was very reluctant to listen to many that were concerned for me whether they were family, supports, professionals or even my superiors at work. My mind was so flawed that I thought that they were ganging up on me because they did not like how I was. Little did I know that the few times I did not make the wisest of decisions that ended up in bad relapses were more hurtful than I ever realized and as such it hurt and broke the trust that I had with so many people.

Over those years, my mind was all over the place and I never had a good footing on my mental health, even though I was often reluctant to take my mental health medications seriously. I was continuing to flirt with disaster under the disguise that I was caring for myself only for it to come back and bite me harder each time.

It would take at times for those that I really valued deeply to admit that there were things wrong with me and that I needed to have the medication that was needed to stay well. Even at that it would be some time from that last intervention that I fully understood that I needed to get back on track and stay on track. It was hard to admit to and stay steady with, but eventually I realized that I struggled greatly with getting back on medication after missing a certain period and as such I was just tired of living the life that I was living and making life going forward for the better.

When we changed the calendar into 2025, I started to realize that I was tired of living the life that I was living and start to get back on track fully and work at combatting the past behaviors and ways that things were because I was tired of experiencing the way that I was acting for so long and living in a lie. The fact that I was so deceptive is the fact that people that support me and know me best know when I am not well. The fact that I would not care for myself to the point when I knew that I had to let my past behaviors go with the past years and start to get back on track finally because I deserve to be my best each day.

Yes, there are the side effects, and I now know that I need to work at combatting them better by making wiser food and beverage choices so I can work at getting my weight down, something that has been a long-standing problem that I also have never really combatted in all seriousness. I also realize that I need to be more active and once this horrific winter weather breaks, I too plan to work on that as time evolves with 2025.

In the end, life is what you make it. Yes, for years I had flawed thoughts of what my medication was, but I have finally seen that it is to help me and not hurt me. As crushing as the side effects can be, it is up to me to work at making better changes for my health to combat those side effects. It is also being patient and giving myself grace in that process while never giving up the understanding of the necessity of taking my mental health medication.

What has helped is the fact that I have educated myself and understood the necessity of my mental health medication and understanding the dangers of stopping or skipping it, realizing that it is just as important as any other medication that is necessary in my life.