I have been experiencing many of the same conditions all my life and for most of my life I have been reacting in the same way when it comes to those, I have a close relationship with. I am starting to learn that it is my responsibility and that I could make a change and work at creating better tricks or coping strategies to manage my reaction when it comes to managing my feelings of anxiety and stress.

Anxiety and being autistic often go hand in hand and is also often the culprit of holding us back from doing things that change what we are used to doing. This is often evidenced in myself when the time is near to doing something that is unfamiliar to me or that I fear a bad outcome.

Last week, I had to have two small cavities at the dentist . This has been known to me for four months. Yet, the day before, I started the same old rhetoric of saying things that I do not mean and are hurtful to those I love the most. I also experience internally a great sense of anxiety and dread that in many ways when I am familiar with the situation that I am in can be unseen. But when there is something that is unfamiliar, unknown, or unwanted, anxiety kicks into high gear.

There can be many instances in the past year where my anxiety has kicked in and I have wanted to remain in the safest of spaces, yet I pushed through and kept going and things have turned out for the better. The dental appointment went well, but for much of the evening and morning before, I was in a very heightened state of anxiety. One thing I am proud of is that I continued to follow my medication regimen, regardless of how I felt, knowing that it was crucial to ensure that I was as composed as possible.

As time came near to leave the house the morning of, I made the decision to play a meditation video that is geared towards anxiety on YouTube that has been helpful in the past, and like it was in the past, it turned my attitude on the upcoming situation into  a much better demeanor. I had wished that I had done that before, and I pledged towards my therapist that I would work at using the meditation video more often instead of remaining in a heightened state of anxiety.

I have also been working on my Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) at Day services, in adding and removing what has or has not been helpful to my recovery. I am more hopeful that things will get better when I deploy more helpful things when I am anxious and that my adrenaline and cortisol will be lowered at much ease when it becomes elevated, so I do not react towards those I react with such negativity that has been a long-standing practice. Sometimes you can teach new tricks. Heck, I just utilized my first social story last week in my late thirties and it was helpful to me. The possibility is limitless, what could happen if I put more work and effort into doing things that could benefit me and others as well.