Over the past six years, I have made some bad decisions that have been very consequential to me and my livelihood. While I was initially angry with myself and even others for making the decisions that I made, I did not realize that I was only hurting myself and that I needed to let that go and forgive myself in the way that I had believed and acted towards myself and others.

A lot has happened in the past year or so. A few bad relapses, a big change in the way that I transport myself, my father having a severe illness and so on. There have been many times when I have become angry with myself and towards others for all that has happened even sometimes resentment and vindictive thoughts have appeared during that time. I eventually had to learn to let go of those thoughts and realize that it was then, and this is now that those thoughts and mistakes are learning experiences and I need to forgive myself for the way that I acted then because I was not in my best state of mind.

For autistic people can have a hard time letting go of things. But I am learning that there must be a point that letting go of the feelings that I am experiencing or the instances that I  have acted heinously was not truly who I was, and I needed to be patient with myself and let things get back into where they needed to be. Living in the old ways that I was living in or having old thoughts that are useless was not doing anything for my mind and I had to learn to forgive myself for the way that I was thinking and acting because I was unwilling to give things a chance to see if they would work out for themselves.

There are things in my life that have happened in the past year or there are things that are just going to be what they are and even if I had not initially seen their benefits and instead casting my doubts and feelings towards them because that was what I was led to believe, I had to give things a chance and let them work out for themselves and realize that I was better off with some things, which in turn made it easier for me to see the reason to forgive myself for the way that I was when I was either not myself or when things where introduced to me because I was unwilling to see what benefits they could provide.

Sometimes we must give things a chance and realize that we were not ourselves when we were acting a certain way or that things can be different than what we believe. Then at that point it can be easier to forgive ourselves for the way that we acted towards others when we were in disbelief towards our behaviors or new things working out. I know by forgiving myself for the way that I believed or acted towards myself, or others has improved my mental health greatly and I am a much better person because of it. Everything comes in time and while it has been some time for me to learn to forgive my past mistakes, I am in a much better position than I was even a few weeks ago because of doing so.