In my life growing up, I have had my fair share of bullying. I have experienced bullying even before there were programs to prevent bullying or a month to make the education community aware of the fact that bullying exists. The fact that bullying still exists is something that is challenging to digest and the fact that autistic individuals experience it more than their neurotypical peers is even more challenging to digest.

I now realize that I have had my fair share of bullying because I never understood social cues or conventions growing up. I was never an expert and being able to read the intentions of others, even if it was intended to be in a negative light. Many times, I wanted to fit into a world that was never made for me. I eventually accepted it for what it was and learned how to live my own life.

Over the years, I have gained a great deal of knowledge as it relates to being socially knowledgeable. But there were many years where I was bullied through many means. I have paid a fair share of bullying and was continually dismissed by school officials because they did not understand the nuances of being the level of an autistic person that I was and that I had trouble understanding characteristics as it related to being with my peers. I had always seemed like the weird one of the bunches, but I could also relate to the other “weird” ones and that gave me some sense that I was not the only one in the boat of the typical school gamut.

There were times when I was hard on myself, even when it was the most challenging. I would have to say that was junior high. It is hard for anyone, but it is more amplified when it you are autistic because you are an easy target for bullying, and everyone knows it. What also didn’t help as much as I was abused and there were some pretty gruesome things, I kept on going no matter how hard one event was from the next, because that was what my parents instilled in me and they made it know to me that getting out of something was not an option as long as my needs were met and I was safe.

The reality is that those that bullied me some time ago have had to live with that conscious for a very long time and once that I got settled and we got to the senior high school and even in my adult life, many have apologized for the way that they acted towards me because they knew it was wrong and saw that I was challenged. It does bring some relief some years later, but it never erases some of the memories, especially those that I never really known that did some of the most horrific things to me. But I cannot hold a grudge against them because I am not that kind of person. I have moved on from when I was growing up, but I know that it is never appropriate to bully anyone because you never know what kind of situation they may be facing at that very moment. Therefore, it is always important to be kind to them, no matter what.