There have been times when it has been hard to focus on the good things in my life. For many years I have been living in a state of negativity. In my personal life all I could ever think about is what was wrong in my life when there are so many things going on in my life that are good and so many people see the good in my life when I always want to see what is wrong in my life.

So much of my life has been pointing out what has been wrong in my life. Indeed, growing up, my life was not perfect because for a great deal of time no one could point to my autistic diagnosis. Then, it was a hard to conceive part of the spectrum, because in my part of the world, it was believed that autistic people did not speak and were placed in group homes. In fact, there were moments when there were thoughts of that happening and my parents had to make some tough decisions to keep me safe. It was not until recently that I did not comprehend that was the reason behind that.

Nonetheless, the way that documentation was written back when I was diagnosed and coming of age came from the perspective of thinking that there was something wrong with me and there was nothing good about me. Even though there were and still are many supporters that often believe that there are many good things about me, for the longest time, I always wanted to point out the things that were wrong with me because that was what my brain was led to believe when it came to thinking about me.

Granted, I know that I am not what is conducive to being what “normal” is. There are many things that I do not do. However, in this day in age, there is so much that differs from “normal” that I am starting to understand that there more good things in my life than bad and I am seeing more of the good things in my life rather than the things that are trouble for me. In the current world, they are referred to as needing support with things that are challenging for me, and too I am learning that there is no shame in needing support in whatever arena that may be.

Oftentimes, I fight so hard to have the things in my life or do not expect them to happen because I do not think I deserve them. I have been fortunate over the past few years to get on the right path and be where I am today with all the help over the past few decades by learning many things on my own or with little support from things that did not go according to plan. I have had to do a lot of work to get me where I am today. From being in the residential treatment facility, to getting through high school, going through trade school, community college and eventually getting the employment and home that I have today.

There have been so many times when there have been barriers and hurdles that I have respectfully had to go around or climb over to ensure that I got what I needed that constantly highlighted all that was wrong with me. I had to realize that I do have a surprisingly good life, and I deserve to live my life in the way that it is because I have worked so hard to get where I am today and there were times when it was not easy. To a degree it took my parents, my therapist and so many others that believed in me when I thought the answer was to retreat where I continued to feel the safest, with my mother.

But things change, you fall, get up, dust yourself up and never give up. Life has not always been perfect for me, but despite the many struggles around me, there is always the positive aspect to continue to focus on the good things that are in my life to see that life is going to be fine.