There have been times when I am asking for things that I come across as being bossy. It can be hard as an autistic person to learn that there are different ways when it comes to asking or requesting things. It is important to understand these various situations to not offend others.

Often, we believe that our needs are a top priority and as such we want to be assertive. However, being assertive can at times come across in an aggressive or demanding tone and as autistic individuals it can be hard to deceive that being demanding can have a negative connotation to others as they need their need right now and nothing else matters.

While a neurodivergent brain can hyperfocus on its own unique hierarchy of needs and thinking that their needs should be prioritized because they may feel uncomfortable or unpleasant, it is Important to understand that when we approach others to have our needs met in a “bossy” voice, it can come across as offensive and make others frustrated because they may their own needs and it can be frustrating the other person may feel that they have to stop everything at once to do what they need to do.

There has been sometimes when the way I have used words have offended others exclusively because of the way that I approached select subjects, particularly ones that I have sensory needs with. While we may feel uncomfortable or unpleasant, concerns or requests are better received when they are addressed adequately in a calm and collected manner. It may be important to step away from the situation and regroup to understand the appropriate words and tone to use to make your request.

Coming across as being “bossy” can also have a sense of burden on those that care for autistic individuals as if the needs of the individual is not met, that there will be negative reactions that will make life more unpleasant for others in their surroundings. While many that care for autistic individuals may have a continuous arsenal of love and care for the person that they care for, it at times can be overwhelming and occasionally be seen by those that they caring for. This can send mixed signals to the autistic individuals as if those that care for them do not care or love them and they become frustrated and upset along with eventually realizing that the way that they addressed the someone was very hurtful. At that point, they feel a great sense of remorse for the way that they acted by demanding their needs in a “bossy” manner.

As such, it is always important to always understand that when autistic people say things in a “bossy” manner that they are not a person that can seem entitled, instead there may be many things occurring in their headspace that cannot always be seen from the surface.