As I had a near successful annual mechanical and housekeeping inspection of my apartment last week, it can be hard to believe that through all the bad things that has happened that I have not only succeeded at living independently but am indeed capable of such a thing with hardly any support. While I know there are more intense options out there, I just would have never been able to been happy.

Sporadically in my adulthood, there has always been the idea of living independently. In those early dreams, there was great doubt, and it seemed nothing less than a pipe dream. Even though I did not want to admit it, I felt trapped for a long time living with my parents, even as it became a necessity in life, it was something that I had just done because I had to.

Sometimes I would have the independence bug. One time I did have this idea of moving into a transitional housing situation, but my anxiety had overruled my thoughts about it, and I backed out at the last minute. Even though I did not realize it, it was God telling me that he had bigger things in store for me.

After that instance, I really started to explore the possibility of living independently. Even though I had thought it was impossible, particularly my therapist had me see that there were many benefits to living on my own while squelching my fears of what could go wrong. Eventually I began to work towards securing housing, and I did over six years ago.

While in those early days I had felt that I had it in control. I felt too much what having my personal freedoms and not caring for myself set me up for being dangerous to those around me. I also was not doing things that I should have been doing and other things occurred like hoarding and irresponsible behavior, eventually through  a combination of things being wrong with the apartment, things did not turn out well and eventually the COVID-19 lockdowns made the ultimate decision to vacate my first apartment.

When I lived with my parents again for some time while trying to find my new place in the community, it was a struggle to exist and eventually I realized that if I had not got out of there I would have ended up in a very precarious situation. Eventually I found my current apartment and through hard work and determination, I have been able to maintain my current apartment for quite some time now.

There have been challenges throughout those past four years, of all that I have been sharing on my platforms, but I have always persevered at overcoming all my struggles and being the better person, no matter how much it takes to do it. I value my independence greatly and it is something that I do not take for granted.

It has never really been in my mind that a higher level of care would be required for me to live away from my parents. Believe me, it has been thrown around from time to time to maintain the stability of the household. There is also the reality that comes with understanding that it is always important to take care of my mental health so that I do not end up in a higher level of care. Being in the work that I am in, I know how that could be, and I do not want to end up in that situation because I know that I would not do well, and it would make me the person that I am not.

My life has been a heck of a journey and to be here where I am today is nothing short of a miracle. It is knowing that throughout all my life through all the things that I have been through, that I have overcome so much and am capable of more than I allowed myself to think. It is hard to believe that I have been living in the same location for four years and even though there have been bumps in the way, I am still going strong.