Throughout life, many times I have been pessimistic about outcomes or whether I have the capacity to do things. This is in part because I had been so down and out about myself for many years but also because I did not believe that I could do what I thought I could do.

It is true that I am constantly battling my thoughts. There are things that I know that I can do, but anxiety often gets in the way of making things possible. I could think of a million excuses of why not to do something instead of believing that I can do more than I know that I can. There are parts of me that like things the way that they are, but there are also many parts where I need to be pushed into believing that I am capable of more than I believe.

Indeed, I am a very astute person, I have the brains but sometimes not the ability to put things into action. Along with my anxiety holding me back from extending myself more, there is just the fear of something will go the wrong way, I will be hurt in any way or anything that could make something go wrong happen. For most of my life, nothing bad has happened, but there is also that shred of doubt that something is going to be wrong with the way that I do something.

I have done so much since I moved out on my own over the past six years. But there are still many things that I know that I can do, but fear often holds me back from doing things that I know that I can do. Oftentimes it was believed that I was just lazy because it did not seem that I wanted to put forth the effort to make the change.

I have said that changing and doing new things is difficult for me. But once I get warmed up to other people, the surroundings and the mechanisms of what is all involved, I do just fine It  can be easy to stay in the status quo because it feels comfortable, but there is also a reality that I need to extend myself more and be more receptive to doing new or different things that can make my life fulfilling.

While I do a host of things already to keep the mind occupied, there is often the feeling that there is always a void in my life that just cannot be filled with something to keep me occupied. There are opportunities out there, but I am doubtful that they work for me. There is a part of me that wants to be more of myself and as easy as that seems, it is yet so difficult.

There is a saying that if you believe you can, you are halfway there in what you are destined to do. I know that I need to do more on my part to make more of what I need to do happen, but sometimes it can seem so hard to believe that I am capable of more than I allow myself to think of.