One thing that comes alongside being autistic is having crushing anxiety. I am often anxious. Many times, it is when I am unaware of how something is going to happen or when I am out of my element. Although I have made great strides in fighting my fears on a continual basis, there always seems to be a struggle in being in fear of something.

There have been many times where I have just been so crushed out of great fear and anxiety where all I want to do is just run away from what I must experience in my life. There is a part of me that often thing that running away from my fear is going to be the better solution, even deep down there are parts of me that circle back and realize that I just need to work through the fear that I am experiencing.

Sometimes, it can be hard to even just get out the door and onto the bus to where I need to go on the days that I need to go somewhere. For two decades, the situation was much more different and even though it can be hard to see that the current situation is much better not only for me but many others, there are still feelings that I am experiencing. Even as I am continuing to work through them at letting go and moving on, they are still a part of the milieu of getting out the door sometimes.

Once I get out the door and that bus pulls up, I do fine and succeed quite well. There have not been any issues and for that I am extremely grateful for how things are going in a world where there is already so much anxiety about just going out the door, that even though there is anticipation about when or even if the bus will show up is crucial in my anxiety.

It can be hard to explain how my anxiety is. There is always fear when it comes to doing things that are new, changing , uncomfortable or unknown. It takes me to realize that I am safe and that my needs are met, to realize that my needs are met, and I will be fine. It is also being able to cope with the challenges that cross my path and learning that I do not need to match the energy in the room I just need to often keep to myself and communicate only when it is necessary to.

I am doing so much better, but there are times when I just want to give up what I am doing, However, I know that it is just the anxiety talking and wanting to have me run away from something that is uncomfortable for me to find my own personal relief from what I am experiencing now. None the less, it is important to work through the anxiety by coping with the current situation until the relief comes that I can do what I need to do to be able to function throughout the day without issues. Anxiety is crushing oftentimes, but I have learned how to rock it more like a champ at the times when I need to work through it.