Throughout my independent life, there are often where I want to say something negative about the situation that I am in without realizing that there are many things to instead be grateful for. Even though I take out my verbal aggression on those that I love, deep down I must realize that they are supporting me and that it is important to fight through those thoughts and remain silent.

Even though what I take out on those that I love can be struggling on them, I often feel as if they need to feel that they need to experience the pain that I am experiencing now. Much of what I complain about is change or things not going the way that I would like things to go.

It is also important to understand  that things do not always go the way that I think that they should be, even if there is merit in doing so. I must remember that I am not the one behind the way everything works and as such there is no reason as to why I should have to verbally abuse those that do everything for me with negative jabs even about things that they or I cannot fix.

Yes, there is a need to vent sometimes, but there is a difference between venting and expressing negative and sinical thoughts that can cause hurt towards others and make them worried about me. Autistic people often say things that are very hurtful to get attention to the pain or frustration that they are experiencing because they do not know a healthier way to take out their frustrations or properly express themselves.

It can also seem as if what they experience is the worst possible thing in the world and there can be no other way than thinking that making their point known by expressing statements that stand out that can be in the effect of harming themselves or others. Even though they do not mean such acts, they can be taken seriously if it is not known that they are just frustrated and can result in some consequential actions.

In the end, I know that I need to be better at being more open and honest about communicating my frustrations and choosing better words to use rather than the words that I have been using that are more hurtful to those that help me the most. They do not need to hear those words, especially in the current state of things.

What the end, things do take time, and I need to work on having a better understanding of how what I say affects others. I know that the words that I say can hurt people and I need to be better in just expressing what I am feeling rather than expressing what I am feeling in such a way that is grabbing negative attention. I can overcome what I am experiencing, little by little, day by day and hour by hour. It will come within my own time in my own way.