Lately with my father in a veterans’ home it has reduced the ability of my mother to be always available to be responsible for my needs, however since my father’s injury, the dynamics of her care has diminished and as a result it has not only made me more responsible for caring for myself but also more responsible for doing things that are expected to be done as an adult.

For many years, I have made many excuses as to why I could not do things that others do. I would pass the blame on the fact that I was tired or that there were parts of my autism, specifically sensory, executive, and motor function that would make it impossible for me to do certain things. Anxiety also played a part where I could think of every scenario that could happen in the process of doing something new or that my mother would do or help me do.

Even though she had shown me multiple times over the years of doing something, it never really caught on until recently when it became a necessity. I remember a few weeks ago when my nephew and brother-in-law replaced my computer desk, and I had to be responsible for getting the old one to the large item pile in my housing complex. I did not want to do it, but my mother insisted on me doing it. It was simple as it had two wheels and there were no steps involved in the path of travel. As I had started out of the apartment building, the desk had started to come apart. I had called my mother who was on her way and as frustrated as we both had seemed, I had felt that I just needed to start to make my way to the refuse pile, and I got there without issue. I had to leave a piece behind at my apartment building and as I was nearing the refuse pile with the second piece of the desk, my mother arrived.

While there should have been some joy about being able to get the desk to the pile without issue, I became frustrated why my sixty-something mother was not getting out of her car to help me get the second piece of furniture on the pile. She had said that there will be a time when her nor my father would be able to help me with things of this magnitude and as such, she had to be tough and let me get the desk to the refuse pile to let her and me know that I have more capability than I think I have.

As the annual inspection season of my apartment approaches this week, I had made the decision to ensure that I could get the apartment ready for inspection. It is something that I have been accustomed to the past few years that I have lived there so I know what is expected by those conducting the inspection, so I just went through and did what was needed.

My thought process is always thinking that something is going to take more time than what I perceive. In fact, I had enough time last night and this morning to be able after ensuring that everything was in place for inspection that I had free time to just relax and do things that I wanted to before bed or after I had left, respectively. It felt good that I had everything under my control today when I headed out the door for the day that my apartment was suited for inspection.

I realize that I can be the adult that I need to be mature and do the right thing, no matter how hard it can be, I am more capable of more than I perceive to be. There has come a point that I am starting to let my anxiety take a back seat and just do what I need to do by not making excuses as to why I cannot do this or that. It is the right thing to do and even though I am autistic or have other mental health challenges, they do not define all of what I can or cannot do.