There have been times when I have had fearful thoughts about doing what I have needed to do in my life. But I am a resolute person and know that there are things that I need to do even if my anxiety wants me to do quite the opposite. While I have overcome so much in my life, it is often a daily battle that I must overcome to just do what comes normal to many.

Many autistic people experience anxiety. It is experienced in a multitude of ways and often I experience jitters when it comes to doing things that I do not know  the entire particulars of the event or what is expected of the day. It can also be when something is occurring, and I do not think I will enjoy something, and it would rather make me anxious because there is a fear of something occurring.

In the end, once I get out the door and head to where I need to go, my fear lessens and becomes less of an issue. I mostly do fine. But it is those early moments that get me the hardest. It is living in fear that something that do not like will happen or that something will not go according to the plan that I had intended for myself.

Even despite the changes to many things in how I get to and from the norm in the past year, there has never been a negative instance of missing the bus or something similar. Yet, the thought of not being in the schedule or me missing them has been often in the back of my mind, even though I have taken measures to ensure it from not happening.

It takes a lot out of me to ensure that I am doing what I need to do to be independent and even as taxing as the fear can build up of all that is involved in getting to and from where I need to be, I am doing it quite well, despite continually living in fear. It shows how much resolve that I have in being resolute and fighting the fear that have quite often.

I am realizing that this is the way that things are nowadays, and I must learn how to live with things the way that they are now. I also realize that despite the fear that I often experience, things are much better than they were. Continuing to see that provides a glimmer of hope in getting through those challenging moments when I want to stay home and avoid the situation altogether.

In the end, I am doing so much better by fighting the fears that I experience on a continual basis by doing what is necessary and dedicated to the things that I must do to have the best quality of life possible. It can seem rough in the beginning when fighting those fears, but eventually the fear will decrease, and I overcome my fears by doing what has been the right thing to do all along.