Eventually day by day, I am learning that life is much better with my medication than without it. I can do so much more than without it. It can feel good in the beginning but eventually I crash and burn and as a result it can be difficult to rebound from the time that I did not adhere to my medication regimen.

Although it can be hard to remain adherent to my medication because of other factors in my life, in the end it is beneficial to stay adherent as not doing so only sets me up for not being in line with the necessary amount of sleep that I need to be well-rested and able to start my day.

There are points that make it seem as if it is a pain for me to take my medication because of a previous flawed relationship with my medication, in the end it is what is needed in many parts of my life to provide me with the quality of life that I need. At the moments before I go to bed are the hardest because there are parts of me that want to not take it and not fall asleep, and while the first night may be not as challenging, eventually it comes back to bite me, providing me with a lesser quality of life at times when I need to have it to do things that are more challenging for me than what I can withstand without my medication.

In the past two years I have experienced two large relapses and have been on the brink of losing so much in my life. I must continue to remind myself that I am on borrowed time when it comes to wanting to mess around with my medication. Things have changed in the past year and as a result, there are more people in my path who may not understand when I do not take my medication.

I have been lucky to have not been in a disastrous situation when I have relapsed. It has been having a fantastic support system including family and friends who have gone beyond to ensure that I was taken care of. Part of being responsible to them and those that cross my path is ensuring that I am holding my end of the bargain and doing what is needed to stay well and be my best self for not only me, but also them as well.

In the past I was living a life in a lie, which is never a good thing to do because eventually it will catch up to you when you are unsure of what you said to who you said it. For far too long I have lived my life that way and I have realized that is not the way that I want to live my life. It can be hard to deal with the side effects of the medication at times, but learning how to manage them is way better and how to live life in the best way possible while providing as much as a quality of life that is fruitful to me is the best thing that I can do for myself.

In the end, it is continuing to do what is right for me and those that must cross my path regardless of what feelings cross my path that could send me in the opposite direction. Life is so much better with my medication, and I need to continue to realize it is.