In the grand scheme of things of my personal life, it can be hard to realize that others look to me for inspiration and support for all the things that I have been through in their own struggles that they are facing. As hard as it can seem at times, it is honestly what keeps me going in the roughest moments of the day.

It is hard to realize that I have evolved so much in my personal mental health and autism journey. There has been so much that I have been doing for so many years that it is hard to see that there are others that value what I bring to the table or are inspired by my lived experience.

I have been living life just as anyone would expect it despite my challenges. It has been my parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, other family members, colleagues, professionals, coworkers, and many others that have believed in me so much that in those darkest moments when I want to react negatively to a situation I remember that there are others that have been inspired by my story and that I must do what I know I can do and live by example, no matter what.

It took me until a few years ago when I had a meltdown at day services and did not realize that someone who was inspired by my story was near me and seen me at my worst. It honestly made me feel resentful. Despite future struggles, one thing that makes me sure to not try to react negatively is understand that others are looking to me for inspiration and guidance in the tough stuff that come with living with autism and mental health challenges.

Knowing that others are looking to me to lead by example is what helps me keep the glue together at times I just want to give up because I know that they too are struggling with what is being experienced in a similar or worse way. Another thing is being told that they way that I act when I was unwell or relapsing “scared” others. This has made me rethink the way that I must adhere to my medication regimen, always and how important it is to my personal well-being.

There can be days that I just want to throw in the towel at what I must do to stay well, but there is also the reality that I need to reevaluate the why and how I need to do what I need to do and even though there are parts of life that are a struggle. I need to be where I need to be because I need it for my well-being and to better the way that I was. Things do not always end up to be the way that I want them to be, but it is being blessed for the opportunities that have been brought forth in my life and treasure them dearly.

In the end, I know that I am ever inspiring and must continue to shine like a champ because others are counting on me to continue to lead by the example of what they have been accustomed to, even as what I am experiencing is miniscule in nature. In the end, does it really matter to everything that I have been through and that I am stronger than it?