There are times when it is hard to get through bouts of anxiety before heading out for the day or wherever I must go somewhere that I can think of the worst possible scenario happening. I can think of several reasons why I should not go out of fear of me not being able to manage my emotions or just wanting to avoid something because getting through it can seem quite uncomfortable.

The best way that can be described as what a bout of anxiety for me is that all my brain can think about is getting out of a situation to make myself feel comfortable. There is so much desire to do what I need to do to get out of a situation that is unpredictable or unknown. But it is often the same old elements that I have been used to for an exceptionally long time and deep down I totally know that I am safe, and my needs will be met.

However, in the preparation of doing or thinking about something being undesirable or unwanted all I can think of is the negative about the situation. What could happen? Even if it has never happened, I can think of a million reasons or second guess things that could happen along the way to or from it. There is also a part of me that wants to think about ways that I think they should be and struggle to realize that things are in place because they are. Even in the moment that when I think about the way that they were, I do not realize that things are the way that they are for much better reasons and are better than they could have been.

It can be hard to realize that things are okay when my brain is in an older state of thinking because of the ways that I was led to believe for an exceptionally long time about others or situations that are currently in place. All I can think of is running away from the situation because it makes me feel uncomfortable. I know that things will be better and that I am a valued person and anything that I am experiencing is minor in nature, no matter what.

My anxiety can rule my life if I let it. In fact, there have been many instances in the past where it has done that, and I have had to miss out on things because my brain would overthink about things that were not true, or I could not talk about my fears with those that I should have. There is a part of me when there were instances where I should have talked about the fears that I was experiencing because they knew that I was experiencing them, but I just needed to be open about them and be honest.

I have come a long way in fighting my bouts of anxiety. I still hide a lot of what I keep inside but there are parts that I have shared with those I needed to share thoughts with, and it has been so relieving to me. There is so much more to be honest about and those things will take time to evolve to what they will be. I just need to be patient with myself and give myself grace to realize that my ability to communicate my needs will come in time.