Recently, I have started to let go of past negative thoughts and feelings about the past at my day services, but what I did not realize until over the past weekend that the past was a big catalyst along with being fueled by caffeine was the meltdowns that I had experienced there.

You see, over my years of maturing, I rarely have a meltdown. Other than a few instances with my family during the COVID-19 Pandemic, they have been of a physically aggressive nature since a decade prior and they were always only with my parents. However, in the past few years, I have had a host of meltdowns at my day services of a verbally aggressive nature. It does not make me proud of who I am. But what I have learned in addition to being fueled by excessive amounts of caffeine, the catalyst has involved past practices not going the right way. Now that those practices are no longer in place, my erratic behavior has not been that way, nor does it ever look to be.

The past nine or so months, I was unwilling to see that the change that has been made to the environment that I was deeply invested in could be a good thing for me. I was holding on to the negative feelings, but I did not realize that they were holding me back from moving on and letting those feelings of hatred go. It is even better now that I realize that it was the catalyst behind the meltdowns at my day services and I know that the opportunity for the precipitator to arise again will be rare to occur. Also being totally med adherent for some time and working on what I need to work on has helped me see that there are benefits to taking care of myself and seeing ways that things are going to work for the better.

There is so much clarity and relief in knowing that there is potential for opening the doors of day services without feeling the hatred that once had about the discontinuance of past practices no longer being there and the allowance of starting to learn to be better at working on my goals there and choosing to have the relationships that I desire to have there and not be led into the toxicity that once was there in the past.

I can only choose to be happy if I want to be. I know that holding on to past thoughts wasn’t helping me and learning that the catalyst behind the meltdowns that I had experienced the past few years at day services was because of past practices makes it a win-win that I can only start the process of continuing to let go of those harsh feelings and start to move forward with my life so that better things can be accomplished without me continuing to live in continual judgement of things that used to happen and realize that things are so much more better than they were and that my feelings towards day services will be better too.