For the first time in the history of living independently, I can breathe about living for once. I am settled, well and things are in a good place for once. But I have never learned how to be happy with the things that I have. Its one of those things that cannot be seen for me as a concrete thinker.

Over the past six years of living independently there has always been something going on or I am finding something to complain about in my life that I do not agree with or find unpleasant. It is hard to believe that all my needs are met, and I can breathe and resume my normal activities. It is like it is a foreign species and that life is not intended to be this calm for me.

I have things going on in my life, but they are squelched down for a bit now and that makes it hard to find things that I can do that are enjoyable. It feels like I do not deserve to be happy because for the longest time I have been in a very unwell state and cannot perceive what it is just to relax.

I feel so guilty when it comes to relaxing as I do not deserve happiness. It seems like I want to come at those I love or support me with stabs about the way things are for me. But after realizing that things are going to be the way that they are for the near future, practicing radical acceptance has been key in realizing that it is important to be grateful for what I have and learn to love the situation that I am.

If I do nothing but complain, then it will do nothing but brew up all the negative energy for no reason at all. I am starting to realize that even though changes are inevitable in life, I must be willing to move forward with things. While I accepted the news, I held on to the old for far too long and it was hurting me, bringing a slew of negative feelings that were hurtful to me. I had to learn that to be relieved of the pain I was experiencing, I had to learn to let go of the things of the past that were hurting me.

Now that the pain is gone, I must do more work to find what makes me happy, whatever that may be. I deserve to be happy and live the life I desire. I have come so far in the past four years despite the struggles, I just need to continue to focus on the positive while continuing to keep away the negative thoughts that appear in my brain from time to time.

It is important to move forward that things are so much better the way that they are, and I need to work more at finding what makes me happy instead of pointing out the negativity that brews in my mind of things I cannot change. I deserve to be happy for once in my life and that I have rid myself of all the challenges in my life, it is time to move on and live my life as I know I need to.