The other day, I had to go to the county courthouse with my mother. Ironically on that day one year ago, I had been there to complete a sensory assessment for the county’s autism taskforce. While things look the same from the surface of the courthouse, there have also been changes, and I too have changed.

As those photos popped up in my Google Photos that day, it can be hard to believe that I was the person that I was back then. I was not myself because I was not taking care of my mental health. I was quite different and other people were concerned about my well-being. The truth behind myself is that I was living in the cycles of my bipolar disorder and the medication that I was not taking for two months at that point was starting to wear off.

Yet, on the outside, I seemed like I had it all together, but honestly, I was living amid a lie that no one knew about. Now a year later and finally settled for some time,  I am starting to realize that it is important to always tell the truth about what is going on with your mental health. And while I can never think of why I had made the multiple destructive decisions in six years; I have become a better person by realizing that I can never get to that way of living again.

And all while I was doing what I was doing on the surface of being the person that had the credibility to be the knowledgeable expert of what being autistic looked like. I am proud to say that there have been some advancements in the care of autistic individuals in the court system in our county. Autism trainings were held for the entire justice system as was in all counties in my state that year and it was highlighted in the newspaper for Autism Awareness / Acceptance month this year as the court system has too been affected by the autistic community.

While I never planned to be a part of the justice system, there is some comfort in knowing that there has been some process in making the courts aware of autistic individuals. However, we do have a way to go, as much as I have changed in the past few years, hopefully the court system will change for the better and be more conscientious of the needs of autistic individuals that are in need in the justice system the same as neurotypical individuals.

As I remember my visit to the courthouse the other day, I am forever grateful that I along with the justice system have started the process of working to make the changes towards bettering both of us. Sometimes, change can be a good thing if you let it be. However, some of the things that are proven to work if you give them a chance to do what they need to, but also knowing that I too have to be the one that is willing to do what is required of me to stay well and in the spirit that I need to be to live my best life.